Raindrops on roses

and whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages, warm woolen mittens.  You know how the song goes.  Some of my favorite things...

Well, today the raindrops feel pretty appropriate for how I'm feeling.  My hubs would say I've got the "dear oh dears" and my sweet mom would tell me I've got the blues.  Either way, they'd both be right.  I'm so sad today.  Watching my dear, sweet Annie and seeing that expression on her face, lets me know that our time is near.  Oh God...

I thought I was prepared.  I thought I had everything under control, including my emotions. I kept telling myself that Annie has led a very good life, and it's true, she has.  But it hasn't been long enough!  I'm so not ready to say good-bye to my girl.  How I wish I could have a different ending to our story.  My mind keeps saying that this will be a much better ending than some I've lived through, and that's true.  Annie hasn't experienced a sick day in her life.  Also true.  Annie has been loved and spoiled and given pretty much anything and everything her precious little heart has desired, she's gone almost everywhere I've gone forever.  She's had grand adventures, she's played, she's chased squirrels, she's played "kick ball" with dad, she's swam, chased sticks, had mom all to herself for about a year, and the other times she's had companions.  All true...but I want more. 

I am so greedy.  I don't think we've had enough, and I want so much more.  Last night after work and dinner, Ruby and I headed out to the barn.  My hubs had been home and the chores were finished except for the grains.  I spent some time with everybody; hugs, kisses, scratches and such.  I buried my nose in Harley's sweet-smelling neck and just lost it.  I don't know where they came from, but the tears flowed and I started to bawl like a baby.   I felt so lost.  Like I just couldn't take any more of what felt like everything with everybody going wrong.  I felt deep resentment and anger on Harley's behalf for his blindness at such a young age.  I felt like Missy's feet were never going to get better and what a waste of such a good horse.  And Annie, who's never done anything unkind in her entire life?  Why did she have to die before her time?  And then all of my anger and hurt just went away.  Only a deep sense of sadness remained.  I told God that I had trust in Him.  I didn't like what was happening, and I didn't understand, but I knew that He did. And that whatever would happen in my life and with these beautiful animals that He's entrusted to our care - whatever may come, we will trust and have faith that we'll all be okay.  My heart felt so much peace in that moment.  Dying sucks!  And I hate it.  Absolutely not one of my favorite things, but like Ray once told me, "you have to go through it, to get past it", and then he smiled and told me, "try it again".  And I did.  And it was alright.  That's how I feel about all the wrongs that I see in my life.  I don't have to like them, but I do have to get through them, to move on.  Unfortunately, in this life, here on this planet, death is a very natural part of life.  I will never like it, don't believe for one minute that it's what God had planned.  But here we are.  It hurts and will never be something I will get used to.  But, I know that everything works out in the end.  We will be okay.  

And you know what else I know?  My Annie is worth every single bit of this pain and hurt.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  If only I could...

And I can honestly say that about everyone I've lost in my life.  My grandma, my dad, my mom, horses, dogs, cats, friends I've loved.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Nope.  

I am so blessed to have this beautiful, yellow dog in my life.  Oh God...so thankful for her.  And poor Harley, I really think I scared him last night.  He was very concerned and nuzzled his lips in my hair and sent goose shivers down my back.  Before I realized what was happening, he had me giggling through my tears.  What would life be worth without moments like that?  

It's those little things that we experience, and keep tucked inside our hearts as memories, that bring such deep and profound joy.  And makes it all so worthwhile...

We've had so many good times.  :)

Glimpses of our Christmas season

It feels like an eternity since I last posted here on my blog.  In reality, it's only been since November 20th...however, some things affect us deeply enough that they seem to transcend time itself.  

When I first started writing here on my blog, my only objective was to write down my thoughts, my feelings and to keep a journal of my life; and to help me remember the day-to-day ups and downs that can so easily get lost.  I wanted to remember with clarity how I felt, what my emotions were about any given situation or time in our lives.  And, I always feel better when I get all the "stuff" in my head, out.  Writing is therapeutic for me, not as therapeutic as my barn time, but still...it's important.

My Annie

We spent Thanksgiving at my sister's house.  It was a good day, and I'm so grateful for it.  We had a delicious feast prepared by so many different hands, and everything tasted so good!  I got to spend some quality time with my oldest niece, Shelley.  She's the one that's just 2-1/2 years younger than I am, and we pretty much grew up together like sisters.  She enlightened me on the joys of crochet.  I learned crochet in high school, but haven't done any since then.  Aahh, that's 37-38 years ago...phew!  But anyway, I picked it right up and am happy to report that, for me, it's easier than knitting.  I enjoy them both, but I'm rather impatient, and crochet seems quicker.  I'm all about seeing a completed project.  I'm in the midst of 2 projects right now, both scarves (simple enough right?), 1 is crochet and 1 is knitting.  Maybe I'll finish one before Christmas.  Highly unlikely, but possible.  I have hope.

My great niece Jessica, her boyfriend Ryan and their son Hudson

Shelley and me

Shelley, her son Cody and granddaughter, Lilly

My nephew David, his wife Tammy and their kids, Ashley & Nathan, Ashley's son Micah

My sister Lilly and hubby Charlie

My niece Shannon and my great-great niece, Lilly

 I didn't really get much of a chance to visit with my sister, as she left shortly after dinner to go shopping with a cousin.  Oh well, priorities right?  *sigh*  But I got to visit with Dave and Darren (both nephews) and my other niece, Shannon.  I'm really, really hoping to spend more time with my family in the year ahead.  People are important to me, and I want to maintain (or at least try) closer relationships with my family members and my small circle of friends than I've been able to do in recent years past.  We're not getting any younger, and I know who and what is important to me.  You just never know, right?

Full and sleepy

After Thanksgiving, my dear friend Betty invited us up for dinner and wreath making with a few others.  She has this wonderful little work shop, had all the evergreens, holly, pine cones, ribbons and so much more, for making whatever our imaginations came up with.  We enjoyed lively conversation, a fire in the wood stove, beautiful Christmas music and some wine before joining the guys for some chili and corn bread.  They enjoyed their time by eating snacks and watching the Civil War game (football) between Oregon State (Beavers) and University of Oregon (Ducks).  Our beloved Beavs lost.  By a lot.  We won't talk about that.  Anyway, it was another enjoyable evening spent with dear friends, and we loved it.  

We went to the cinema and watched "Interstellar" with Matthew McCaunaghay (sure I misspelled that), and it was surprisingly, very good.  How could any movie with that beautiful man be bad, right?  :)  How I love long weekends spent relaxing and doing...well, whatever else we did.  :)

Last week I noticed a rather large lump on Annie's neck, sort of between her neck and shoulder.  It was roughly the size of an apple.  A couple of radiographs, a couple of ultrasound pictures, and a fine needle aspirate later, the diagnosis is carcinoma.  How I hate that word.  My dear, sweet Annie has cancer.  We had an appointment with our dog vet.  LeAnne is realistic, practical and very experienced.  The news isn't what I'd hoped for, but is what my gut was telling me.  The tumor is inoperable because it's gone into the bone of her right front leg.  From what we saw, the tumor has probably been there longer than I realized, and only recently got big enough for us to see on the outside.  The degeneration of her bone is extensive, and our best option is to leave everything alone and manage her pain.  I've been giving her NSAIDS for about a week now.  LeAnne added Tramadol, and in a couple of weeks if we think it's needed, we'll add Gabipentin.  We manage her pain, make her as comfortable as we possibly can and take it one day at a time.  I made Annie a promise.  She will not suffer.  She will not live in pain.  I will love her and be with her until the very end, whenever that may be.  She has always been, and will continue to live the life of a dignified lady.  That's what she is.  My heart is just breaking at the thought of not having her in my life, but she will not suffer!  God has blessed me with this dog in my life and I will not fail her in her time of greatest need.  Until her time, we will live!  And Annie will pretty much get anything and everything she wants.  She's my girl, always has been...  

Just this past Monday - walk in the park

Last weekend we attended our annual Christmas party with our riding club members.  This year was smaller than usual and fairly low-key.  One family that had planned on being there had a medical emergency, so we're keeping the family, and especially Steve in our prayers.  We enjoyed a nice potluck meal, a time of worship, we sang some beautiful Christmas hymns and then played our cut throat/white elephant gift exchange.  Such fun!!  My hubby made a couple of bridle hangers out of Ladde's old horse shoes and I gave one of my Budweiser collectible mugs.  We have such a wonderful group of friends in this club, and we always enjoy time spent visiting with them.  

my lame attempt at a selfie...

Last Monday evening, our dear friend Claudia took us out for dinner.  We enjoy her company so much and this was no exception.  She's such a lovely lady and we appreciate her so much.  She gave us the most thoughtful gift.  Apparently, she's taken pictures from my blog, had them printed into a calendar and it's just AWESOME!!  I absolutely love it, and so does my hubby.  Every single day when I look at that calendar, I'll be reminded of Claudia's generosity and friendship.  What could be better?

I had lunch with another dear friend yesterday.  She's a gal I met through working at the clinic, and she's also a client.  From the very beginning, I felt so comfortable with her, and felt like I'd known her for years.  Of course, she's an animal lover.  She has horses and dogs and cats, and lives in the country.  No wonder we get along! Isn't it great how that happens sometimes?  I just love how God moves different people in and out of our lives; just when we need them the most.  I'm so thankful.  

Well, that's about it since Thanksgiving.  Our plans are to spend time with friends and family this season of Christmas, and to keep things relaxed, simplified and quiet - all the while remembering the "reason for the season".  

May you all be blessed with good health, peace and prosperity...that goes for your critters too!!

Lorie @ Cingspots

Another (hopefully graceful) transition!

Aah yes, those transitions, changes in life that we all continually encounter...we just try to handle them as they come, and hopefully those transitions take place gracefully, with little more than ripples in our daily routines.  Because whether we readily admit it or not, I believe that most of us, like our animals, are creatures of habit.  And change can be a decidedly uncomfortable, oftentimes unpleasant and downright scary undertaking.  But change we must!  We must always remember that life is a series of continual changing, evolving and growing.  Without that change, life would quickly become stagnant, and we'd most likely die.  Literally or figuratively, wither up and be no more.  Such a pleasant thought!

The most recent transition to which I'm referring is the retirement of my husband.  Having been laid off from his job early last year, his unemployment benefits are finished.  This coming month of February will be the first time that he will be collecting the first of (hopefully many) social security benefits payments.  Yikes!!  For some reason, I envisioned this as something that would happen a long way off, you know, when we're old.  Ahem...does this mean we're old?  Nope!  Quite the contrary, I see this as another chapter in our lives.  With God's mercy, it will be a long and fulfilling chapter where we have more personal time to enjoy doing the things in life that we previously didn't have much time to enjoy.  Working is something we must all do in life, but it seriously infringes upon our personal pursuits!  And frankly, I can be a bit testy about how little of our time we're able to utilize and enjoy doing what we want.  It's just never seemed fair to me, especially when I look around and so many families have only 1 working family member.  Do these stay-at-home working family members seriously realize just how much of a luxury that is?  I understand working around the home, but it is quite different when one has to commute to a place of employment 5 days out of every 7 and be there without fail, doing whatever it is that you do in order to collect your paycheck.  It's vastly different than working from home, scheduling your own hours and accomplishing whatever it is that you determine will be done in that particular day.  Very different.  Aahh well, but then life just isn't about being fair is it?  Life just is, what it is.  Life is what you make of it.  I have a good life, and I'm thankful.  I also admit to looking forward with great anticipation to the day when my time is much more, my own time.  In the meantime, I'll continue to commute and do my job to the best of my abilities, and also be thankful that I do have a job that I usually enjoy, and that helps to pay our bills, and take care of our animals and our home.  But I digress...

My point is, we're adapting to this most recent change.  I'm actually looking forward to my hubby being at home more often, and being able to pursue projects around our property and our home without everything trying to get finished on our weekends.  Hopefully, this change will enable us to follow more entertaining pursuits on our weekends!!  Now that is something to look forward to!!  I am all open for that...poor guy, just don't know if he realizes everything I have in mind for utilizing his time.  This must be how it is for husbands though, their wives always finding new and more clever ways to fill up those idle hours.  Idle - hah!!  Ladies, you can relate right?  :)  And besides, you realize what's said about idle time being the devil's workshop don't you?  Mustn't contribute to that!!

In other news that is news, our weather is considerably warmer and wetter.  It's much more akin to what we usually expect in January.  The mud is back to being sticky and wet, no need for the water trough heater, and the blankets are only for Miss Kadie on those particularly wet and blustery days.  However, she doesn't really need a blanket for warmth at all, I just don't want her getting wet and chilled.  Our temps are in the upper 40's by night, and into the 50's by day.  A light jacket or vest is all that's required to ward off the winter's chill.  I've noticed recently that the horses are starting to shed their winter coats as well, so are the dogs.  Just maybe, we're in for a warmer and drier spring than we've had in the last several years.  That would be wonderful!  I've noticed the daylight hours being a bit longer as well.  There's still some light in the sky when I head home in the evenings, and daylight savings is less than 6 weeks away.  I'm amazed at how well I'm handling my SAD this year.  Although, there's nothing in particular that I'm doing, it just doesn't seem to be bothering me much yet this year.  What a blessing that is!

We took a day trip to the beach last Sunday.  It was raining on and off all day, but there was very little wind.  The surf was angry and the tide was in, which made walking on the beach a more cautious affair.  Despite the weather and the formidable waves, we donned our coats and hats and walked to our heart's content.  I've definitely noticed Annie slowing down a bit lately.  She loves walking, but she prefers to stay close by my side and keeps my pace rather than running off with Ruby.  It just breaks my heart to admit this, but it's true.  My girl will be 8 on April 30th, so she is a mature lady, a puppy no more...I will love her and care for her every single day that we have together.  I'm her person.  She's a momma's girl, and always has been.  :)

When we grew tired of walking, we went into McMenamen's Pub for their amazing clam chowder in sourdough bread bowls.  Oh my - their chowder is the very best I've had since I worked for Lois DeVore many, many years ago.  She took her chowder recipe with her to her grave, and the world would grieve if it only knew what it was missing.  I can honestly say that this is the first chowder I've EVER had that even remotely comes close to Lois'...and that is saying something.  It is delicious and I highly recommend trying it if you have a McMenamen's near you.  Try it alongside an icy glass of their Ruby Ale...they brew it themselves and it's infused with raspberry puree.  So good!

anticipation...

 My sweet hubby had cleaned the stalls and put hay rations out before we left, so when we got home, all we had to do was bring the horses inside and give them their grain.  They were definitely ready.  Warm, cozy stalls are much more inviting than standing outside in mud and rain.  Our ponies love their little homes, and that makes us happy!

January full moon over cingspots

May we all look upon our transitions with grace and with thankfulness...
Blessings, Lorie @ Cingspots

Hello Sunshine

Fall is one of those seasons where you just never know what to expect. Traditionally, it's a cooling down of the summer and a mellowing of the temperatures before the extreme wet or cold of winter. The crispness of the mornings and the gorgeous colors of the foliage are definitely something to savor and appreciate. Today is no exception. I woke up to another beautiful, sunshiney morning and gave a hearty thanks for the bright light streaming through my window.

I tell myself to enjoy it, because it is after all...November. October is usually a beautiful month in Oregon, but come November first, all bets are off. You just don't know what to expect. For the last couple of weeks we've been experiencing beautiful weather. Bright blue skies, crisp temperatures, you know the kind; where it feels delectable to slip into a warm, fuzzy sweater or a fluffy down jacket and revel in the sensation of a brisk breeze blowing through your hair.
Perfect riding weather if there were any daylight hours left after I get home from work. *sigh* Nothing's ever perfect is it? Business is dreadfully slow, and I detest having to be cooped up all day long in the clinic when there are endless possibilities awaiting me; outside...and at home. But, I am thankful to have a job. Thankful for being able to pay the bills. Thankful. I need to remind myself to have gratitude...always.


This is a picture of a neighbor's Halloween display. There were about 8 very big jacko'lanterns
lining the walkway to their house. I took several shots, unable to get all of them in one shot, but this was one of my favorites. Late, I know. But, too fun not to share.

This is some eastern Oregon Sagebrush in full bloom from the weekend before last when we went to Ritter Hot Springs between Pendleton and John Day. It was a beautiful place and the weather was perfect. Sunday morning everything was frozen, which made the hot tubs feel even better.

Annie went with us, of course. She had a blast hiking across the countryside, flushing out quails, swimming in the John Day River, and of course hot-tubbing. Silly dog jumped right in the hot tub with us. She liked it, for a while until she got overheated. Sure made her hair coat silky for a while. The mineral water is great for the hair, but devastating on silver jewelry. My bracelet turned black almost instantly...very strange. This was the first place I've ever experienced a warming sensation on the bottom while sitting on the toilet. Kind of a nice touch, especially in the middle of the night when it's very cold outside and the bathroom is outside your room and several rooms down the boardwalk. :)

Very cool how the low-lying clouds settled in the treetops.

An old abandoned homestead we spotted on the way to Ritter.

On another subject, we picked out our new woodstove last night. The installation is scheduled for the weekend before Thanksgiving. This weekend we're going to pick out the piece of granite for the pad/hearth underneath the stove. My hubby will cut the stone and do the edgework and that will save us the money we would have had to spend for a ready-made pad. We are putting the woodstove in our kitchen since we already have a pellet stove in the living room. I am very excited at being able to shut off the heating element to the electric forced air furnace which is an energy hog...yippee!!! In the event of a power outage, I will even be able to cook on the stovetop. Cool huh? I've never had a real woodstove before. Now I want to find an old cast iron teapot to put on the top. I'm even excited about going into the forest and chopping our own firewood. I can't wait!! I feel like a pioneer woman.

Hope everybody is enjoying this beautiful fall season. Blessings everyone!!

Cingspots

A Day in the Life of Annie

Happy Birthday Annie!!! My beautiful little dog turns 5 years old today. I can hardly believe that I've had her for so long. She was maybe 6 months old when I got her as a pup. The time has simply flown by...and the time has been joyous!!

Speaking of blessings...Annie is one that I'm thankful for each and every day. She is a very good girl, doesn't really have any bad habits, and is a constant source of joy and loyal friendship.

This is her regal pose. She and her one and only prized pocession - that ball. In this incident, ball could (and is) be considered a 4-letter word...yes - in that sense of the word. Grrrr!! Sometimes, I'd just like to pitch that ball - pitch it so very far that it would never, ever be seen by mortal man ever again! But, I wouldn't ever do that to her. She absolutely loves that ball. She used to have another one just like it, only that one was orange. She chewed and chased and slimed that ball until it pretty much disintegrated. It was not a pretty site. Long before the orange one died, we replaced it with one just like it - only red. You know, a new and improved model. Annie wouldn't touch it. She hated the new ball. Only had eyes for the old one. Pathetic thing that it had become. Depression set it...it was pitiful. The old orange ball could not be found. Seriously. The sucker was gone. I swear we didn't do anything to it - cross my heart and hope to die. It disappeared. Just like that.

Time passed. Annie forgot about the old, orange beloved pocession aka nasty thing. She began to play with the new and improved red ball.

Joy, once again had found its' way into our household.

Yeah.

If you don't throw it for her, she will slime it up real good - and then spit it at your bare legs...or right onto your sore toe. That'll get your attention. Boy howdy!!

So we throw it...and we throw it...and we throw it some more. Now we're having us some fun!!

My little poochie is also the very best walking buddy anybody could ever hope to have. She absolutely lives to go for walks. Anytime, anywhere. Let's go!!

She loves to race way up ahead of me, check things out; flush out the monsters, you know...protect her master. A dog has to earn her kibble. And then she gives me one of these looks. Mom...come on already - hurry up!!!!! *sigh* Must be hell bein' a dog.

See this look here. The intent, glazed over stare and the crinkled snout. Yep, you guessed it - that ball again. This game is called "kick the ball". She loves this, maybe even more than throwing the ball; because there is the block involved with this one. Just try and get the sucker past me!!!! Go ahead - make my day!!! And, she is good at this one - really good. More times than not, she stops it dead. But occasionally we get lucky, connect with the ball and send it flying to parts unknown...and off she goes. Lightening quick - she's after it!!

Aren't games grand?

Tonight, I'll make a stop at the local meat shop. Annie's got a birthday surprise in store for her. That's right - a big old beef bone. She'll like that.

I can't imagine life without my dog. She goes everywhere I go, including to the clinic every day. Walks with me at lunchtime. Accompanies me each and every night to the barn to do the chores. If I go - Annie wants to go. Does a body good to have a dog. She even takes naps with me...if she didn't hog the covers, she'd be the perfect napping buddy too. Oh well, nobody's perfect.

It's a rough life, but she says it could always be worse.

Happy Birthday my little friend!!

Simple Pleasures

All you have to do is take a quick look around and you'll find so many reasons to be thankful.

I know that I do. I can become grumbly and dissatisfied so easily in this life. But, if I just slow down for a moment and take a breath, have a look around, I see that there are so many blessings in my life that I am very thankful for.



Harley is a huge blessing in my life. I love this guy. He loves me too. In fact, he carries me all over the mountainous trails every summer. Gotta be thankful for that.
And you see that white flowered tree in the background there - those will become this summer's sweet, succulent pears...a very sweet blessing. We just have to be quicker to get to them than the horses. They love them every bit as much as we do.


I'm thankful for how the light shines softly through these leaves here. And for how these trees provide a cooling blanket of shade for the horses and us in the summer's heat.

There's our little home. It's certainly nothing fancy, but it's where my hubby and I call home. It's warm in the winter and cool in the summer. See that deck off the back there...we've spent many relaxing evenings sitting there watching our horses graze in this little pasture. It never ceases to amaze me, just how much pleasure we derive from watching our herd. They are an endless source of amusement. We are thankful every single day for them. We are also thankful that we are fortunate enough to have a small piece of acreage in the country where our horses can live. And look, there's another pear tree. Sweet, juicy bartlett pears - scrumptuous!! The horses eat them until the juice squirts out from between their lips and runs out of their mouths in a sticky river of goo!

Harley is most thankful for the gift of sweet, delicious springtime grass - yummy!! Oh, and for horsey sunglasses too!!

We built our horse barn several years after we moved here. But before that, we relied on several old barns and outbuildings to house our horses and to store the winter's hay. We still use the old barns today for hay storage, bedding and our farm implements. They may be old and not so pretty, but we are still thankful to have them. They provide shelter for the barn cats too, along with a lot of barn swallows.

I have no idea what kind of flowering bush this is, but every spring it bursts forth with abundant color and much appreciated beauty.

Pansies and violas are one of my most favorite spring flowers. I think they are just beautiful. My mom used to think that they looked like little monkey's faces.

And here's our beloved Annie. I am very, very thankful for her. She's one of my nearest and dearest friends. Every single day she's at my side, wherever I may go. She's the best walking buddy a gal could ever wish for too!! I just can't imagine life without dogs. Annie's 5th birthday is coming up this week, on April 30th. Guess I should surprise her with a little something special for the occasion. Everybody loves surprises!

The ponies waiting for suppertime. It looks like Ladde enjoys his meals huh? He's getting a little round with all this lush spring grass. We'll take care of that before long. I have plans for their conditioning coming up real soon...

And here's Sally and her kittens...what would a farm be like without springtime kittens?

Our life is a simple one by many peoples' standards. And that's okay, generally we like to keep things pretty simple. Life and its' bountiful blessings are not to be found in a shopping mall, or in fancy pocessions. But instead, in the beauty of our surroundings and in the laughter of good friends and family. And, time spent with our animals and the people we love.

Life is good. Be thankful, and take the time to count your blessings...

Cingspots