Raindrops on roses

and whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages, warm woolen mittens.  You know how the song goes.  Some of my favorite things...

Well, today the raindrops feel pretty appropriate for how I'm feeling.  My hubs would say I've got the "dear oh dears" and my sweet mom would tell me I've got the blues.  Either way, they'd both be right.  I'm so sad today.  Watching my dear, sweet Annie and seeing that expression on her face, lets me know that our time is near.  Oh God...

I thought I was prepared.  I thought I had everything under control, including my emotions. I kept telling myself that Annie has led a very good life, and it's true, she has.  But it hasn't been long enough!  I'm so not ready to say good-bye to my girl.  How I wish I could have a different ending to our story.  My mind keeps saying that this will be a much better ending than some I've lived through, and that's true.  Annie hasn't experienced a sick day in her life.  Also true.  Annie has been loved and spoiled and given pretty much anything and everything her precious little heart has desired, she's gone almost everywhere I've gone forever.  She's had grand adventures, she's played, she's chased squirrels, she's played "kick ball" with dad, she's swam, chased sticks, had mom all to herself for about a year, and the other times she's had companions.  All true...but I want more. 

I am so greedy.  I don't think we've had enough, and I want so much more.  Last night after work and dinner, Ruby and I headed out to the barn.  My hubs had been home and the chores were finished except for the grains.  I spent some time with everybody; hugs, kisses, scratches and such.  I buried my nose in Harley's sweet-smelling neck and just lost it.  I don't know where they came from, but the tears flowed and I started to bawl like a baby.   I felt so lost.  Like I just couldn't take any more of what felt like everything with everybody going wrong.  I felt deep resentment and anger on Harley's behalf for his blindness at such a young age.  I felt like Missy's feet were never going to get better and what a waste of such a good horse.  And Annie, who's never done anything unkind in her entire life?  Why did she have to die before her time?  And then all of my anger and hurt just went away.  Only a deep sense of sadness remained.  I told God that I had trust in Him.  I didn't like what was happening, and I didn't understand, but I knew that He did. And that whatever would happen in my life and with these beautiful animals that He's entrusted to our care - whatever may come, we will trust and have faith that we'll all be okay.  My heart felt so much peace in that moment.  Dying sucks!  And I hate it.  Absolutely not one of my favorite things, but like Ray once told me, "you have to go through it, to get past it", and then he smiled and told me, "try it again".  And I did.  And it was alright.  That's how I feel about all the wrongs that I see in my life.  I don't have to like them, but I do have to get through them, to move on.  Unfortunately, in this life, here on this planet, death is a very natural part of life.  I will never like it, don't believe for one minute that it's what God had planned.  But here we are.  It hurts and will never be something I will get used to.  But, I know that everything works out in the end.  We will be okay.  

And you know what else I know?  My Annie is worth every single bit of this pain and hurt.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  If only I could...

And I can honestly say that about everyone I've lost in my life.  My grandma, my dad, my mom, horses, dogs, cats, friends I've loved.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Nope.  

I am so blessed to have this beautiful, yellow dog in my life.  Oh God...so thankful for her.  And poor Harley, I really think I scared him last night.  He was very concerned and nuzzled his lips in my hair and sent goose shivers down my back.  Before I realized what was happening, he had me giggling through my tears.  What would life be worth without moments like that?  

It's those little things that we experience, and keep tucked inside our hearts as memories, that bring such deep and profound joy.  And makes it all so worthwhile...

We've had so many good times.  :)

Comfort and Joy

Sometimes those two little words which signify every person's true desire in life, can be so very difficult to obtain, and even harder to hang onto.  In this season of Christmas, when we would hope that all could be merry and bright; the opposite is many times, the case.  The holidays can be a time of reflection, soul-searching, stress, depression, isolation, and even desperation.  

If each one of us could take a look around, really see all that we have to be thankful for; I truly believe that comfort and joy isn't all that hard to find.  Take Patch for instance; doesn't have anything except for the basics in life...a warm bed, food for his belly, another cat to occasionally scrap with, and a family who sees to all his needs.  We have someone who sees to all our needs as well.

The other morning I watched this beautiful rainbow appear, a double rainbow actually, after another thunderous shower had ended.  A beautiful rainbow...God's promise that the world will never again be destroyed by water.  There's comfort in that.

And joy...this beautiful face gives me joy every single day.  Without fail.  I can't imagine life without my dogs.  They give me unconditional love, complete acceptance and laughter.  Simple pleasures that give me reason to return that love.  We always love where we are shown love...it's more challenging to love when it's undeserved.

Our beautiful horses bellied up to the bar.  Another source of joy, laughter, amazement, beauty and love.  For them, I am so grateful and feel so very blessed.  Horses are one of God's greatest gifts to mankind.  I believe this with all of my heart.  They are also a source of wisdom for me.  If we will but humble ourselves for a bit, and quietly observe; they have so much to offer and teach.  People are arrogant if they don't think we have much to learn from the horse.

A couple of weekends ago, we were fortunate to get to go share some joy in the form of singing Christmas carols for the families in our church neighborhood.  A friend brought a team of his beautiful Shire Draft horses and his hay wagon.  It was wonderful!  I've always wanted to go caroling, and now I've finally done it!  It was a brisk evening and the rain held off while we sang under the starry sky.  If that doesn't put a person in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will.

And this was my view from behind while riding up front with Duane, our driver.  Add to the experience of singing, the scent of warm horses - perfect!!  This is Ellie Mae and Gracie.  They are beautiful and very patient girls who perform their jobs flawlessly.

This was November's full moon.  It was so beautiful that I had to pull over and take a few shots, however my camera wasn't able to capture the amazing visual that I was able to see.  Still pretty though.

My dear, sweet Annie...how I love this dog.  She has always been a momma's girl, and I adore her and am so very thankful that she came into our life.  We weren't looking for another dog when we had the opportunity to adopt her into our family, but I'm so very, very glad that we did!  She brings me comfort and joy every day of my life.

I think my lens may have been foggy, but this is the scene from our front porch yesterday morning.  Our first snowfall of the season.

Ruby loves the snow!  She gets so excited and races around barking and biting at the snow.  We can learn a few lessons about enjoying the simple pleasures in life from our dogs too.

The backyard view yesterday morning from the deck.  Big, fat, wet flakes, but it was peaceful to watch while enjoying my morning coffee in front of the wood stove.  There's something so serene about snow.  I'm hoping for a white Christmas this year...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

Another shot of the beautiful Shire Draft team.  Ellie Mae and Gracie.

My view while singing Christmas carols under the starry night sky.  Crossed that one off my bucket list!  

My hubby and I went into downtown Portland last Sunday.  We parked the car and walked all over downtown looking at the beautiful Christmas window displays, did a little shopping, but mostly looking, had dinner at our favorite little Italian place and cruised the public market.  Some people have so much talent.  The items that were available are ingenious, delightful, cozy and beautiful - just depends on what you're looking at.  I got a new hat!  And some new incense.  My hubby got me a new pair of boots!  We even looked at and tried on riding helmets, which I know absolutely nothing about.  I found one that I like, it fit my head comfortably and didn't make me look too much like a bobble-head.  But, I'm going to peruse the internet and see if I can't find it cheaper.  I'm not doing much riding this time of year, so I've got time.  I've never even tried on a helmet before that.  I'm not accustomed to wearing anything other than a baseball cap or a sun visor when I ride, so this will be different for me.  Oh, and I got a parking ticket!  First parking ticket in my life...$45!!  What a drag, a few more bucks and I could have had the helmet...oh well, guess I'll be looking more closely next time for those pay boxes at the end of the blocks.  Live and learn, I guess.  Anyway, the weather was horrendous, wind was blowing wildly all day long, rain coming down sideways and we got drenched!  We had a blast!!  When you live in the Willamette Valley, you grow accustomed to getting wet, and you learn to dress for it.  I'm sure I provided some entertainment for the waitress at the restaurant when I removed my hat... :)  Give joy where you can my friends!!

There are so many ways to bring comfort and joy into our lives.  I'm finding that I enjoy Christmas so much more when I decide to relax and enjoy everything; forget about "having" to do anything and just be thankful, recognize my multitude of blessings and enjoy the people and the animals that I love.  When I count my blessings each and every day, my attitude becomes one of overwhelming gratitude to my Father, from Whom all good things come.  

I wish for each and every one of you this Christmas season...comfort and joy!

Fah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah!  

Name that movie!!!  :)

Beasts of Burden

You remember that song by the Rolling Stones don't you?  I walk for miles, my feet are hurtin'...nice song.

 Anyway, the term "beast of burden" is what a client of ours at work referred to horses as being, the other day.  Well, I guess so...but so are we all.

This gal said that she and her mom were riding their horses and they came to a very steep and long hill, so she got off and decided to walk her horse.  Her horse was huffing a bit, and was somewhat out of shape and overweight, so she decided that a walk up the hill would benefit both of them, and ease her horse's burden.

A gesture of kindness, I thought.  However, her mom laughed and said she was silly to get off and walk up such a steep hill when her horse could so easily carry her up.

Now get this; the mother's horse is older, has serious respiratory issues, extreme difficulty breathing when under exertion and still, the old bag forces her horse to continue on up the steep hill, huffing and puffing with effort carrying not only his own burden, but her extra weight as well.  I asked why would her mom do this to her horse?  And she replied, because horses are beasts of burden.

I suppose they are, but I had to comment that we are too.  She didn't agree.  My argument of course, is that the Bible tells us that for 6 days you shall labor, by the sweat of your brow and do all your work.  On the 7th day, you shall rest.  It even stipulates that our animals shall have a day of rest.  If that doesn't classify us as beasts of burden, I don't know what would.

And regardless of your opinion on this subject, I still say that we should all be compassionate and kind to our animals, and others, no matter what their classification in life may or may not be.  An animal of any kind, and all people are still emotional beings.  We all have feelings, sensitivities, likes and dislikes, opinions about things in general, and that warrants a thinking, feeling being of being worthy of, and deserving of, kindness.  Simple, compassion and kindness.  It costs us nothing, save a little effort perhaps on our part, but still..."do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  The Golden Rule does not stipulate your age, sex...or your genotype.

If ever there was a rule that encompasses all, it is that one.  Period.

People can be so dense.  Or maybe it's just an excuse to be mean, or their pitiful attempt at believing they're superior.  Whatever...

The Bible does give us authority over the "beasts"...but remember, when given authority over anything or anyone else, there comes great responsibility.  And accountability.  Even if only, eventually...

for everyone will reap that which they have sown.  A beautiful reminder for us all.  We're given so many gifts in this life, not the least of which are our beautiful animals.  They truly are worthy of our love, respect and kindness.  As we all are.

Blessings everyone,
from a fellow beast of burden on this day, in this life of mine.

May your be wonderful!!

Like a fish out of water...

...sigh.  Not sure where to begin, but I'm caught in one of those cycles where I feel like I'm in a state of limbo.  We've got several projects at home in the works, but all remain unfinished for various reasons.  My husband is still out of work and on unemployment (with a very small chance of returning), which is substantially less than what our budget is accustomed to.  I worry about that too, because we're not paying taxes on those benefits, and our tax refund each spring is where we get our money for that year's hay supply.  Without it, we're up a creek.  So, I'm thinking we may not have any savings for buying hay next year, and we may owe taxes.  Ouch!

We're still trying to sell our horse trailer and have had nibbles, but nothing has panned out yet. Last evening a guy came to look at it, and we couldn't get inside.  The lock was frozen up and my husband had to climb in through the window, and still the door wouldn't open.  The guy looked through the windows as best as he could, but ended up leaving.  Now, we need to either repair or replace the lock mechanism.  Several other plans hinge upon the selling of our horse trailer, so we're in stall mode there too.  It's so frustrating!  Everywhere I turn, I feel like there are roadblocks and I have no control over any of them.  I try to place my worries in God's hands, and just have faith that everything will work out like it's supposed to, but it's so hard.

Business remains slow at the clinic where I work, and I feel like I'm caged there until it's time to go home, where I can hopefully accomplish something before daylight (or my energy) runs out.  But, I have to remind myself to be thankful that I have a job, because without my income, we'd really be in a world of hurt.

My car is still running alright, but it's got some strange sounds lately too...I'm just changing the oil regularly and ignoring the rest.  And our truck...it's running horribly.  I'm hoping that it's just in need of a tune-up and nothing more serious because there's no way we have any extra money to put into that right now.  If I had a choice, I'd much rather the car quit running, not the truck, because we use that truck for so many different things.  This is the season that I start thinking about fall storage - you know, my squirreling tendencies...making sure the barns are full with hay, at least a ton (preferably 2) of stall bedding pellets, a ton of pellets for our little pellet stove, and of course, firewood.  I'm never comfortable going into fall without 3 or 4 cords of firewood in the woodshed.  And yep, you guessed it - they all require use of our truck.

And, if we're fortunate enough to sell our horse trailer before mortgage interest rates make a jump, there's the question if we're even eligible for a no-cost refinance now, because of my husband's employment situation.  Oh, if I let my thoughts wander and start thinking about everything that I could be worrying about, even if I have no control over much, if any of it...I become overwhelmed, and downright scared of what is to come.  But, I don't usually let myself go there.  I have to remind myself that we have a wonderful Protector who watches over us, and He's perfectly aware of our situation, and of our needs.  He is in charge of everything.  Me?  Not so much.  And so, amidst the uncertainty; I have faith.  Faith that everything will be alright.  Faith that everything will work out as it should work out.  Who knows, maybe it'll be completely different from our plans, but I choose to trust.  I just know exactly how that fish feels...that's all I'm sayin'.

Oh, and I fired Mary.  She's the gal who's been working with me and Eagle for the past 6-8 weeks.  She has done some incredible things with Eagle.  She's in love with him.  She's also refreshed my memory of a lot of groundwork techniques that I haven't used in a long time, and taught me some new exercises too.  And for that, I'm appreciative.  But I can't take it anymore.  According to Mary, I do absolutely nothing right.  I don't catch my horse the right way, I don't lead him in from the pasture properly, I don't carry my saddle the right way, nor apparently, do I put the saddle on correctly, my reins are too short and I don't have enough slack in my reins, I don't mount my horse quickly enough...the list goes on and on and on.  And, Mary never stops talking.  Never.  She constantly talks and my brain just goes numb, and stops absorbing the information.  My confidence is already sorely lacking in a lot of respects.  I don't need this.  So I decided to take a break.  A very much-needed break from Mary.  For the foreseeable future, it's just me and Eagle, or just me and Ladde.  We'll do what we can, the best that we can.  Besides, I can't afford to keep paying Mary $40 an hour every week...

Onward and upward, my friends!!

So, what's been going on in your life???  Maybe you can divert my attention away from myself and our issues...now that I've divulged my entire private life on the worldwide web.  Wow, hadn't really thought about that aspect of it.  :)  Oh well, I've never been accused of being too quiet before...