Friday, January 23, 2015

Raindrops on roses

and whiskers on kittens, brown paper packages, warm woolen mittens.  You know how the song goes.  Some of my favorite things...

Well, today the raindrops feel pretty appropriate for how I'm feeling.  My hubs would say I've got the "dear oh dears" and my sweet mom would tell me I've got the blues.  Either way, they'd both be right.  I'm so sad today.  Watching my dear, sweet Annie and seeing that expression on her face, lets me know that our time is near.  Oh God...

I thought I was prepared.  I thought I had everything under control, including my emotions. I kept telling myself that Annie has led a very good life, and it's true, she has.  But it hasn't been long enough!  I'm so not ready to say good-bye to my girl.  How I wish I could have a different ending to our story.  My mind keeps saying that this will be a much better ending than some I've lived through, and that's true.  Annie hasn't experienced a sick day in her life.  Also true.  Annie has been loved and spoiled and given pretty much anything and everything her precious little heart has desired, she's gone almost everywhere I've gone forever.  She's had grand adventures, she's played, she's chased squirrels, she's played "kick ball" with dad, she's swam, chased sticks, had mom all to herself for about a year, and the other times she's had companions.  All true...but I want more. 

I am so greedy.  I don't think we've had enough, and I want so much more.  Last night after work and dinner, Ruby and I headed out to the barn.  My hubs had been home and the chores were finished except for the grains.  I spent some time with everybody; hugs, kisses, scratches and such.  I buried my nose in Harley's sweet-smelling neck and just lost it.  I don't know where they came from, but the tears flowed and I started to bawl like a baby.   I felt so lost.  Like I just couldn't take any more of what felt like everything with everybody going wrong.  I felt deep resentment and anger on Harley's behalf for his blindness at such a young age.  I felt like Missy's feet were never going to get better and what a waste of such a good horse.  And Annie, who's never done anything unkind in her entire life?  Why did she have to die before her time?  And then all of my anger and hurt just went away.  Only a deep sense of sadness remained.  I told God that I had trust in Him.  I didn't like what was happening, and I didn't understand, but I knew that He did. And that whatever would happen in my life and with these beautiful animals that He's entrusted to our care - whatever may come, we will trust and have faith that we'll all be okay.  My heart felt so much peace in that moment.  Dying sucks!  And I hate it.  Absolutely not one of my favorite things, but like Ray once told me, "you have to go through it, to get past it", and then he smiled and told me, "try it again".  And I did.  And it was alright.  That's how I feel about all the wrongs that I see in my life.  I don't have to like them, but I do have to get through them, to move on.  Unfortunately, in this life, here on this planet, death is a very natural part of life.  I will never like it, don't believe for one minute that it's what God had planned.  But here we are.  It hurts and will never be something I will get used to.  But, I know that everything works out in the end.  We will be okay.  

And you know what else I know?  My Annie is worth every single bit of this pain and hurt.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  If only I could...

And I can honestly say that about everyone I've lost in my life.  My grandma, my dad, my mom, horses, dogs, cats, friends I've loved.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Nope.  

I am so blessed to have this beautiful, yellow dog in my life.  Oh thankful for her.  And poor Harley, I really think I scared him last night.  He was very concerned and nuzzled his lips in my hair and sent goose shivers down my back.  Before I realized what was happening, he had me giggling through my tears.  What would life be worth without moments like that?  

It's those little things that we experience, and keep tucked inside our hearts as memories, that bring such deep and profound joy.  And makes it all so worthwhile...

We've had so many good times.  :)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

A quiet affair


this one shows just how big the tumor has become

breezy, sunshine and spring-like
No balloons, no party, no hoopla.  No cake.  Dammit!  (to the cake part)  :)  

My birthday was a very quiet affair.  I spent the day working at the clinic.  Went home, built a fire, filled the wood box, lit some candles, fed the dogs and sat by my fire enjoying a glass of wine.  When the hubs got home, we went out to the barn to do the chores.  It had been a beautiful day filled with gentle breezes and sunshine, and the evening was just as lovely.  

The horses came in from pasture filthy.  I decided to let them enjoy their grubbiness and skip any grooming, if they want to be covered in mud, who am I to complain?  I shot a few pictures but nobody was really cooperating, and seemed only interested in chowing down their evening meal.  

There are times when you just have to remind yourself as to the extent of their expertise in covering every square inch of their bodies in mud, you know, in case we forget come summer time.  
pretty dirty for Harley

Missy (still in boots)

Eagle - grubmonster

Kadie - who wouldn't eat with the camera point her way

Now she's getting perturbed...

Aahh Ladde - what can I say?

This is his eye that had the pea-sized lump on the lower lid - all gone!!!

Filthy for Shad!  He absolutely would not look at me.  Alfalfa, you know...priorities

With the horses all fed and tucked in for the night, we headed inside to get some dinner.  Leftovers of spaghetti and hot bread.  It tasted good, and I was content with not having to cook.  After cleaning up the kitchen, I spent some time schmoozing with Annie, and not to be left out, Ruby too.  For my birthday memoirs, hubs took a few pictures of us doing what comes naturally after we're settled in for the evening.  I loved the idea.  My birthday pictures with my girls.  In the years to come, I will treasure them all the more.  

This one makes me laugh, look at Ruby's fat belly.  :)

I think this is my favorite.  My beautiful girl who never takes a bad picture.

My Annie.  How I love this dog...

As is his custom, my sweet guy gave me a mushy, lovey-dovey birthday card, and a giant Hershey's bar with almonds.  This man knows what makes me happy.  :)

All in all, I'd say it was a good day.  

Blessings, Lorie

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Harley's forelock

It's a thing of beauty to me.  Without fail, every single time I look upon it, I smile.  There are a few things in my world that are what I'd describe as a "sheer delight";  and Harley's forelock is definitely one of those things.  There is no doubt about it - it's just adorable. And poofy.  And cottony...and absolutely suitable to this horse's character.  *sigh*

How I love that horse!  The best way for me to describe it, is akin to a baby bird.  Picture them, in their nest, little heads all puffy and soft and fluffy...that's Harley's forelock!  To a tee, it just fits.  Scooter, his momma...hers was just the same.  :)  

I tried really hard to get a good picture of it, but he wasn't exactly being cooperative. That too, is true to his Harley horse is ornery.  Not a mean bone in his body, but there's plenty of orneriness...oh yes, plenty of that!  When he was younger, and sighted, he was always stirring the pot.  We commonly referred to him as our, "fly in the ointment".  And it fits.  Boy, does it fit!!  Nowadays, because of his blindness, he has to be a bit more placid in nature, when it comes to being in the herd.  He still does pull out a few of his shenanigans, but only when he knows he can make a quick escape!  

I'm trying to spend a little extra time in the barn with the horses every evening after we've finished the chores.  A little time for grooming, scratches and just fussing with them because this time of year, there's little time for anything else.  

It's been over 2 months since Missy's OsPhos injection for her navicular.  The drug is supposed to prevent further bone degeneration by pulling in calcium from the blood to the damaged areas, which strengthens the bone and prevents more damage.  Or something like that.  I'm no doctor, and that's a very simplified explanation, but it's the best I can manage.  I think it's helped.  A little.  Nothing real dramatic for sure.  But then again, I was realistically only hoping for some improvement.  Anything is better than nothing.  But after the new years' day ride, which was an easy, walking only ride, and a trim a couple of weeks ago, she's quite sore.  I'm not sure if it was the ride barefoot in soft ground, the trim, or possibly both.  She's been wearing her boots, more often than not, for over 2 weeks now.  It's just disheartening to see my girl so tender-footed so often.  I wish I could just fix her...

I wish it were in my power to fix Harley's eyes, Missy's feet and Annie's cancer.  But we all know that's not going to happen.  So we just make the best of what is.  And move on, doing what we can.  And hoping.  And yes, I pray for them all the time...

are we ever going inside????

Our weather remains very mild; warm and wet.  We were below normal in rainfall for January, but we've made it up in a single day.  We had about 2" of rain last Saturday and as you can see from the pictures of the horses - they've been enjoying the mud.  Last night I spent a long while trying to scrape the mud off of no avail.  It's thick and encrusted in his hair so deeply that it's going to take more time than I had energy for, in one evening.  That horse...

He actually doesn't look half bad in this shot, more wet than mud, but after last night I don't think there's any room on his body that's left uncovered.  I don't believe any hope remains of getting him clean, without a trip to the car wash...

Kadie with her "curlylocks"

The last couple of days have not been great for Annie.  Recheck on Monday...

January in NW Oregon...not bad at all

Eagle was being muley because he wanted his grain.  :)

see?  how can you not smile?

Remember I was saying that I hadn't decided upon my word for 2015, but that I was going to keep my 2014 word in my pocket for safe keeping?  Well...I've decided to keep my word from last year.  It still feels right to me, and just about perfect, but I'm going to elaborate on it, just a bit.  Last year I chose "faith".  Just perfect.  

This year, I'm adjusting "faith" into "faithful" and adding "fruitful" to it.  That pretty much sums up my aspirations in a nutshell.  I want to be faithful in all that I say and do, which will in turn, allow me to be fruitful in my life.  

The definition of faithful is to be loyal, constant and steadfast.  

The definition of fruitful is producing good or helpful results, being productive.  

But one without the other isn't enough.  By being faithful, I hope to be fruitful and produce good works.  If I continue practicing being faithful, I like the fruit of a tree, will produce good fruit.  Like the Bible says, "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me", and without Him, I can do little or nothing that is of value.  

"FAITHFUL" and "FRUITFUL"  for 2015

I like it.  

The last couple of days our weather continues to be mild, but is dry.  We're having sunshine, high clouds and a gentle breeze.  Truly, it hasn't really felt like much of a winter.  We need another cold snap to kill the bugs off.  Looking out my bedroom window, I noticed that my lilac bush is budding.  Oh my, and I haven't even trimmed my rose bushes yet!  *sigh*  According to the calendar, we haven't even reached the mid point of winter yet, and already my plants are awakening.  I feel like I'm already behind schedule...

My hubs is continuing the work on our home improvement projects.  Soon, we'll be finished with the living room and moving everything out of our bedroom to begin there.  We'll sleep upstairs and pretend that everything isn't, once again, in a state of dishevel.  I am seriously dreaming of that day when it's all done.  Do you think that will ever happen?  *sigh*

My birthday is tomorrow.  I'm going to be 55 years old.  Good grief.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel like, but my mind says that it's impossible.  I can't really be 55 years old!!  That sounds so old, but I don't feel old.  I feel older than I once was, with certainty; but I'm feeling good, in fact, much better in many areas than when I was younger.  It's good.  I'm thankful that I'm maturing and gliding into the "autumn" of my life.  That'd be about right, wouldn't it?  Autumn?  I'm no spring chicken, but I'm not a winter.  No siree!!

I'm alright with autumn.

Blessings everyone, 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Life's a Beach

Our weather has been mild mannered and overall enjoyable so far this winter.  Yesterday we were 49 F and the same is predicted for today.  The last four or five days, except for some light sprinkles on Saturday, have been mostly sunshine, slightly breezy and a few high clouds.  Just about perfect if you ask me.  And, I noticed last night for the first time in a while, there was actually a little bit of light in the sky when I left work to drive home.  Hot dog!!!  That always puts a smile on my face.  The calendar says only 7 more weeks until daylight savings time - can you believe it??  This girl needs to get busy bringing our horses back into shape.  And me too!

Last weekend seemed pretty busy, but when I reflect on it, it really wasn't bad at all.  Very enjoyable overall, and we didn't accomplish much...oh well, that's what weekends were meant for, right?  Friday evening, mexican sounded so good, so the hubs and I went to our favorite, local eatery and indulged.  Oh my, did it ever hit the spot!  I even enjoyed a margarita with my meal and everything was delicious.  

Saturday morning we decided to skip going to church in favor of staying home and enjoying a quiet, relaxing day.  The previous couple of days were not good ones for Annie.  She seemed unusually depressed and more uncomfortable than usual, so it seemed important to have some quiet time with her in front of the fire.  I puttered around the house, took a shower and made a potluck dish for our riding club meeting in the evening.  I don't think I did much of anything else.  It felt good.  

With our fellow riding club members, we enjoyed some worship, socializing, food,  and we decided upon several upcoming summer camp outs and day rides.  I am really, really hoping that this summer will be the year I start riding Eagle out on the trails.  He's ready.  I need to get ready!  I'd still really like to find someone who could put a few rides on him, without having to board him out and pay so much for full blown "training".  That's really not in our budget.  I'm sure I can figure it out if I just put my mind to it.  

On Sunday, Annie seemed to be feeling much more like herself, so we decided to spend the entire day with our dogs.  I fixed ham and eggs for breakfast for both dogs.  They loved that!! Then, hubs and I went out for a quick breakfast and my dear friend Betty and her husband Fitz joined us, and that was so nice!  After that,  we decided to head for the beach.  Annie loves car rides and she loves the beach.  The day was grey, with a few sprinkles and a little fog.  Same down at the beach, but not cold at all, and no wind.  That's always good.  We stopped about four different times, at different locations and enjoyed short walks, with plenty of snooping around and sniffing time.  I took several pictures, and then we headed home in time to do the evening chores.  Annie was so happy!!  She was livelier and much more energetic than I've seen her in weeks.  She even got a little doggy socializing time with a few other dogs on the beach and shared an ice cream cone with Ruby on the trip home.  I am so happy that we went because the feeling seems to be tying her over, and even today she's more perky than all of last week.  I think I might have been over-medicating her slightly, so I've backed off a bit.  It's so hard to decipher how someone else feels physically.  But, all I can do is my best...

Yesterday the pooches and I took a little stroll in the park and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine. Oh my, it felt like a lovely spring day!  Today is sunshine again, but with a few more high clouds. Tomorrow is supposed to be wet, then another dry day forecast for Friday and a very rainy weekend.  Guess that means we'll be doing inside stuff.  Housecleaning anyone???  I don't mind cleaning my house, but I like to do it when no one else is home...that's hard to accomplish.  *sigh*  

Well, I guess that brings us up to date.  Other than working at the clinic every day, taking care of horse chores, house chores, laundry and keeping the home fires burning...that's my life.  Exciting isn't it?  :)  

I have a big, fat file folder filled with 2014 receipts that I need to sort and document in a ledger for the accountant.  *sigh*  Tax time is quickly approaching and I like to get my part finished and all the information to the tax guy as early as possible, so that isn't hanging over my head.  And with any luck at all, we'll get a refund that will buy the horse's new season of hay come spring. Always lots of things to keep me occupied!  I guess since boredom is something I can't abide, and usually don't have time for...I'll be thankful for something to keep me occupied.  

Still contemplating on my word to inspire me through this year, and I have two different ones that keep coming to mind.  They both seem appropriate, but I'll wait until one really seems comfortable for me.