Thankfulness through adversity

Did you notice that beautiful full, harvest moon last evening?  Just incredible!  My camera really doesn't do it justice, but I wanted to remember how truly spectacular it was.  Another sign of fall...

Those crazy nasturtiums threatening to overtake house and hearth again this year!  If you're ever wondering where to plant these hardy flowers, I'd suggest the Western facing and hot side of your garden.  As you can see, they thrive there.

I've been doing more thinking about evolving lately, seems to be my theme of this past week.  None of us enjoy adversity, right?  But we're told to be thankful for all things, even those times in life that cause us to feel pain.  I try to see adversity (growing pains) as a chance to learn from the experience, be grateful that we're probably going to become a stronger, possibly even a better person because of having survived the situation. There's probably a good reason for that old saying that, "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".  I believe it's true.

Suffering through adversity, trials in life, emotional pain, whatever you choose to call them, undoubtedly molds us into more emphatic people as well.  It allows us to feel other people's pain, and we're better able to offer comfort, advice, understanding, when we've experienced similar experiences in our own lives.  We learn compassion by feeling the pain firsthand.  We evolve into a more wise and well-rounded person with more tolerance of pain when we recognize it in others.

I also believe that by contrast, the sweetness in life becomes all the sweeter because we've been down in the valleys.  If all our days were filled with nothing but good, that would become rather mundane, and human nature would have us take everything for granted.  If we were in a perfect world, I don't believe we would take anything for granted, we'd live in a continual state of gratitude...but, we don't live in a perfect world.  Our world is full of emotional pain, physical pain, stress, sin, anger and so many other descriptions of unhappiness that we have plenty of opportunities to learn from our trials.

These adversities also give us need of a comforter.  We all need to have comfort, guidance, understanding and love to survive this merry-go-round we call life.  *sigh*

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming...sometimes we offer help and understanding to others when our days are going alright.  We all grow stronger by reaching out and comforting one another.

Sometimes we just need to be still and know that everything's gonna work out in time...learn to ride out the storms of life and be thankful each and every day for so many blessings that we tend to overlook and take for granted.  All those little things that make life so special...and good.

Have a great weekend everybody!

It's supposed to be a wet one around here, so we're battening down the hatches, hubby got the grass mowed and the pool boxed up for the season (how sad!), and we'll take things as they come.  Just maybe, I'll get to see my rain chain in action.  :)

Blessings,
Lorie @ Cingspots

Rhythms of life

Webster's dictionary defines rhythm as originating from the Greek word, "rhythmos".  "Any regular recurring motion, symmetry", generally means a "movement marked by the regulated succession of strong and weak elements, or of opposite or different conditions."  This general meaning of regular recurrence or pattern in time can apply to a wide variety of cyclical natural phenomena having a periodicity or frequency of anything from microseconds to thousands of years.

I've been thinking a lot lately about life, about aging, about the passing of time, death, changing of the seasons.  To me it all feels very much like a circle...with everything in perfect rhythm, reoccurring over and over and over as in the seasons.  Rhythmos.  Seasons.  The circle of life.  An ever changing, evolving and refining process until we reach our end.  It's really beautiful.

I've reached middle-aged.  Over the hill status.  A woman of maturity.  Well, physically anyway.  I'm not at all sure about the maturity of the mind.  After all, I still feel like a child in some ways, in awe of so many things in the world and in my surroundings.  I still dream.  I still have hopes.  And I still have fears.  Insecurities really, rather than true fear.  But my point is, that we never really lose that inner child where we started out.  I carry her with me all the time.  She helped create the woman that I am today.  We're all a product of our genetics, of our environment, of our experiences, our unique personalities and I believe, by the path we've chosen.  Who we have chosen to become.

My Annie...beautiful, mature lady

We're greatly inspired by whom we've chosen to follow, and from whom we choose to learn.  The people we admire, where we go, who we talk with and what we see.  The Bible tells us, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."  I believe this so strongly.  Our thoughts are a huge part of who we are, and who we become.  We become what we think and who we think we are.  Our minds have great power to mold us.  Sometimes (more often than I'd like to admit) I struggle with this.  Maybe everyone does, I don't know, but I'm always trying to "lighten" my thoughts, to speak kindly to myself.  It's more of a challenge to show myself kindness and patience than it is to show others.   I have a strong tendency to find fault with myself.  To be overly critical of not only my physical appearance, but of my shortcomings and my inadequacies.  I chastise myself for having fears, whereas if it were someone other than me, I would willingly offer support and encouragement.  I really struggle with this, and have for as long as I can remember.  I'm getting better.  It's high time, don't you think?  Like I said, I've passed that summit and I'm clearly going down the other side now.  I'm not old.  I don't feel old, but I've reached the status of mature woman.

Another mature lady  :)

Maybe that's why I'm loving this season of my life so much.  Seriously.  I am so much stronger than I once was.  Okay, I'm mentally, much stronger, not physically.  I'm more confident in my abilities, I'm more competent, self-assured and much more comfortable with who I am as a woman, as a human being.  Like an onion, I have many layers, there's much more to me than meets the eye.  I'm complicated, I'm passionate and opinionated, I'm emotional, moody, spiritual, earthy, creative, humble, prideful, sensual, sensitive, quick to anger and highly imperfect.  *sigh*  And so many other things.  I am so thankful for this life.  I wouldn't want to go back to that insecure, carefree, young, inexperienced young woman of 20ish for anything in this world.  Oh, well maybe to have that physical body that I once had would be nice, but not even for that.  Nope.  Not even.  I'm so happy and secure and comfortable with who I am today.  That is much nicer.  I have wisdom now.  :)  Well...some wisdom; but He's still working on me.  And, I don't have periods anymore.  That's pretty cool.  It is all so worth it.  As the poet, Robert Frost (?) once said, many more miles before I sleep...at least I hope.

Which leads us to the end of seasons...that part of life which was never in the plan...death.  That part sucks.  Totally and seriously sucks.  My boss, who is also my dear friend, had to lay to rest his beloved horse today.  Sammy.   Beans, as he was lovingly called because of his tendency to "pass gas" at any and inappropriate times.  He was Rick's dream horse.  His quick and fleet-footed cutting horse.  Whoa to any cow that crossed his path horse.  The better have respect for me and my opinions, cold-backed, hang on, bucking horse.  The horse who dared present his position on things and give you a run for your money, argumentative Sammy.  Rick had met his match with him.  He loved him, and now he's broken-hearted to have to let his dear friend go.  My heart breaks for him.  I've been there and I can say from experience, that it hurts.  It hurts a lot.  Having to make that decision isn't anything that any animal lover ever wants to have to do.  But, when you are a caretaker of animals, large or small, it happens.  And when it does, nothing makes it better, except for maybe a loving and understanding hug from someone who understands.  So, I hugged my friend today and I cried on his behalf.  I'm so, so sorry my friend.  But thank you for being kind to an old friend.  May you never forget those rides and those arguments.  Remember and smile.  Rest in peace little, red horse...

Another change in seasons, our weather has mellowed out greatly.  Two days ago we hit 97 and it was miserably hot, yesterday was upper 80's and today I'm wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.  Go figure.  We have rain in the forecast and temps in the 60's next week.  Fall is definitely in the air.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  Jeans.  Boots.  Sweaters.  Cozy fires in the wood stove.  And of course, my squirreling tendencies over which I seemingly have so little control.  Life does go on...

Making applesauce and a BBQ at my brother and sis-in-law's are on tap for this weekend.  I also hope to spend some time with Eagle.  He seems to be feeling rather dejected and left out lately.  He received a little reminder about electric fencing last night.  Those free-wheeling days of going under the wire and helping himself to my once-thriving fruit orchard are history.  So many lessons in this life...

Maybe I'll also get the chance to see my rain chain in action.  That would be cool.

Blessings everyone,
Lorie @ Cingspots

Not for the squeamish

Heather took several pictures of Harley's eye yesterday during her examination.  This morning I found 2 of those in my email, but for some reason I could only get one to download to my computer.  Technological stuff is such a challenge for me...

I wanted to keep this picture for record keeping reasons and my blog is the best way for me to keep a chronological journal of everything.  My memory's just not what it used to be; honestly, not many things are.  :)  You know, the old grey mare and all that?  Anyway, if you're one of those types that cannot bear looking at photos of a squeamish nature, fair warning...don't look; if not, take a look at a very good example of what we believe to be a ruptured corneal ulcer.  Remember that knowledge is power, and if you can readily recognize what a corneal ulcer looks like, you might be able to get veterinary help immediately and hopefully prevent a rupture with  proper treatment.  I say hopefully, because sometimes against all odds, shit happens.

March 18, 2013

The greenish stuff that is visible in the corners of his eye (conjunctiva) are traces of the fluorescein dye that was used during the examination.  What I originally viewed as a "greenish bubble" was probably what eventually ruptured and now is a shallow hole in his cornea which was originally smooth and round as in a healthy eyeball.

Poor Harley is having a run of bad luck I'm afraid.  Or rather, what seems to be a habitual pattern in his life.  I always want to know; why does this crap always happen to the good horses?  I wish I knew the answer to that, so that my mind could wrap around it better, you know, have some understanding.  But I guess that's just not meant to be.  As I continue to learn in this life, some things just happen for unknown reasons and as I'm slowly learning to accept..."it is, what it is".  Life isn't always fair, best to just get used to that.  

But I digress...yesterday afternoon my husband turned Harley and Kadie out from the round pen where they'd been cooling their jets after Heather left.  Harley walked out and ran squarely into the dozing Eagle's butt.  *sigh*  This startled Eagle (I think) and he kicked Harley squarely in the chest.  Harley was freaked, spun around and Eagle kicked him squarely in the butt.  I'm not sure why he had to kick him again, but maybe it made him mad?  Not sure...anyway, Harley decided to get the hell out of Dodge, sprinting away from Eagle and ran directly into a telephone pole-sized post and hit it hard enough (with his head) that the post is now sitting at an angle.  I tried straightening the pole, but no go.  And of course, now he has a large abrasion about an inch above his left eye (yes, the bad one) and another abrasion down the bridge of his nose.  I just don't know how we're supposed to keep this horse safe.  It just breaks my heart.

Anyway, suffice it to say that our evening was generally not a good one.  I was upset, my husband was upset, I'm pretty sure Harley had a major headache and we all felt pretty disheartened about the whole mess.  My husband was ready to shoot Eagle and I just wanted to crawl away and pretend that everything was going to be alright.  We just finished up the chores, brought the horses in for the night, got them fed, doctored Harley as best as we could (he was not having much of it) and called it a night.

I appreciate everyone's kind comments and certainly all the well-wishes and prayers on Harley's behalf.  Probably more than you'd think...right now, I feel like we're in need of all the help we can get.  I'm feeling very discouraged and am starting to question our motives with everything that concerns Harley.  Are we doing right by him?  Is he living a life of quality?  I don't really know...before recent events, I would have soundly responded with a yes, but now I'm unsure.  Tough questions and tougher decisions.  I really dislike being in this position.  

On a brighter note, here's a picture I received recently from our son Justin.  This is Jenny and our grandkids.  This was taken in January, 2013 in their yard in Nez Perce, Idaho.  Cute little turds aren't they?

Winter 2012 Jenny & Grandkids

Left to right are David, Jack, Jenny and little Kaylee...love them to pieces.

Wishing warm blessings to all,
Lorie @ Cingspots

The dear oh dears

Our run of beautiful and idyllic spring-like weather has come to an end.  Or rather, a screeching halt more aptly put.  We're in a rainy pattern once again.  And along with the rain, comes another of the dear oh dears for me.  My husband's grandma used to call those days when you're a wee bit out of sorts, slightly bummed, in a funk...the dear oh dears.  Just hearing it put in that context makes me smile.  :)  My own mom used to call them the blues.  Oh you'll feel better tomorrow, just get a good night's rest and tomorrow those blues will be history.  And you know what?  Most of the time, she was right about that.  There's a lot of things that a good night's sleep can cure.  "Things will look better in the morning, you'll see!"  Oh how I miss my dear, sweet momma's voice.  There's just something about the rain that puts me in a wistful state of mind.  I get emotional, I cry so easily.  I long for my mom's company.  Just to hear her voice again would be heaven! And because I have faith, I know that day will come.  I will see my mom's beautiful, sparkling eyes smiling at me once again.  I can't wait!  *sigh*  There's so many that I long to see again.  I want to sit down somewhere in the sunshine, with a cool breeze blowing and have a cup of tea and a very long conversation, and do a lot of catching up.  But until that time comes, I put up with the dear oh dears and the occasional bout of the blues that always seem to accompany the rain.

Rain, rain go away...

On a brighter note, I noticed that some of my daffodils have blossomed.  Their cheery, bright, yellow blooms just scream spring to me.  My daphne is also trying to burst forth with blossom.  Usually it's fully bloomed by late February, but for some reason, despite our spring-like weather, the buds remain only partially open so far.  I absolute adore their heavenly scent.  Sweet, sweet daphne remains one of my most favorite floral scents.  My mom's favorite were the lilacs.  I'm a big fan of those as well.  My old, aged white lilac still blooms each year, but it's definitely past its' prime.  And the deep purple lilac that I used to have, was eaten alive by Annie when she was just a pup.  :(  I've always wanted to replace it, but still haven't done it.  I really ought to do more of the things that I continually think about doing.  *sigh*   My husband mentioned that the first opportunity he gets, he really needs to mow our lawn too.  Why is it that we think of so many things that we ought to do when it's dry, after it's raining again?  I'll have to chew on that one for a while...in the meantime, out grass is nearing 8-12" in height.  Oh boy, that ought to be a fun first mowing!  Guess I know who will be the appointed raker.  Another one of life's opportunities to engage in good, physical activity!  Always stay in the positive mindset, am I right?

I've found a recipe for Chai tea concentrate and am hoping to give it a go this weekend.  It makes about 4 cups of concentrate that you keep refrigerated until you're ready to use it.  When you're ready for a drink, you mix it with equal parts milk.  You can drink it iced or hot.  I love it both ways, but hot is my favorite.  I have everything that I need except for star anise and whole cardamom.  I think I might be able to find it in the bulk section and just get a little of each for starters.

I've had some really good work sessions with Eagle lately.  Aside from the fact that he's developed a dislike to being caught from the pasture, he's doing really, really well.  I may take a day where I chase him all over the pasture until he's begging to be caught...see how that goes.  :)  I'll probably be the one to poop out first though, and that wouldn't get me anywhere.  Horses and their phases.  I swear they're just like children in more ways than not.  And, I rode Miss Sugar last weekend.  She is one hot little momma!  Really quick reaction times and very sensitive to leg and seat pressure.  I'll bet she is a really fun little horse to ride, but...she's quite lame.  Lame enough that I cannot justify riding her the way she is.  What a bummer.  I was hoping with a little bute she would be alright for trail riding, but I'm just not so sure about that now.  I'm hoping to find some time to sit down with my boss and discuss our options for her.  I don't have a bunch of money to throw at her, but if there's a pretty good chance for improvement, I'm willing to take that shot.  We'll see, but for now I just can't, in good conscience, ride a lame horse.  Sometimes I am my own worst enemy I think.  :(

Oh, and speaking of sleeping well...we bought a new mattress and box springs on New Years Day.  Last week I bought a new, very cushy mattress cover and new flannel sheets.  I. am. in. heaven!  I hate to get out of my cushy little nest in the mornings now!  Seriously, I am loving it.  Why, oh why, did we wait so long to replace our old mattress??  Annie is pretty pleased with her new sleeping arrangements as well.  You see, our old mattress was soooo bad that we had one of those memory foam mattress toppers on it which made it passable.  Now the memory foam gets folded in half, covered with a blanket and wallah!  Annie has a remarkably cushy, new bed too!  She is in doggie heaven herself!!  I love seeing my old girl wallowing in the lap of luxury and bliss!  If anyone deserves it, it's Annie.  Dear, sweet Annie.  Seeing her so comfortable just makes my heart sing!  I love it when my animals are so happy.

Well, I guess that's about it.  Still walking, still eating much more healthy foods and still trying to drink more water every day.  I'm taking my vitamins, eating all my fresh fruits and veggies each day and reading my Bible daily devotions.  And...even my hubby is now taking a daily vitamin as well!  Progress is being made my friends.  Progress in baby steps is progress nonetheless!

Blessings to all on this day only 2 short weeks from spring!!!
Lorie @ Cingspots

Whoohoo!!!

Another (hopefully graceful) transition!

Aah yes, those transitions, changes in life that we all continually encounter...we just try to handle them as they come, and hopefully those transitions take place gracefully, with little more than ripples in our daily routines.  Because whether we readily admit it or not, I believe that most of us, like our animals, are creatures of habit.  And change can be a decidedly uncomfortable, oftentimes unpleasant and downright scary undertaking.  But change we must!  We must always remember that life is a series of continual changing, evolving and growing.  Without that change, life would quickly become stagnant, and we'd most likely die.  Literally or figuratively, wither up and be no more.  Such a pleasant thought!

The most recent transition to which I'm referring is the retirement of my husband.  Having been laid off from his job early last year, his unemployment benefits are finished.  This coming month of February will be the first time that he will be collecting the first of (hopefully many) social security benefits payments.  Yikes!!  For some reason, I envisioned this as something that would happen a long way off, you know, when we're old.  Ahem...does this mean we're old?  Nope!  Quite the contrary, I see this as another chapter in our lives.  With God's mercy, it will be a long and fulfilling chapter where we have more personal time to enjoy doing the things in life that we previously didn't have much time to enjoy.  Working is something we must all do in life, but it seriously infringes upon our personal pursuits!  And frankly, I can be a bit testy about how little of our time we're able to utilize and enjoy doing what we want.  It's just never seemed fair to me, especially when I look around and so many families have only 1 working family member.  Do these stay-at-home working family members seriously realize just how much of a luxury that is?  I understand working around the home, but it is quite different when one has to commute to a place of employment 5 days out of every 7 and be there without fail, doing whatever it is that you do in order to collect your paycheck.  It's vastly different than working from home, scheduling your own hours and accomplishing whatever it is that you determine will be done in that particular day.  Very different.  Aahh well, but then life just isn't about being fair is it?  Life just is, what it is.  Life is what you make of it.  I have a good life, and I'm thankful.  I also admit to looking forward with great anticipation to the day when my time is much more, my own time.  In the meantime, I'll continue to commute and do my job to the best of my abilities, and also be thankful that I do have a job that I usually enjoy, and that helps to pay our bills, and take care of our animals and our home.  But I digress...

My point is, we're adapting to this most recent change.  I'm actually looking forward to my hubby being at home more often, and being able to pursue projects around our property and our home without everything trying to get finished on our weekends.  Hopefully, this change will enable us to follow more entertaining pursuits on our weekends!!  Now that is something to look forward to!!  I am all open for that...poor guy, just don't know if he realizes everything I have in mind for utilizing his time.  This must be how it is for husbands though, their wives always finding new and more clever ways to fill up those idle hours.  Idle - hah!!  Ladies, you can relate right?  :)  And besides, you realize what's said about idle time being the devil's workshop don't you?  Mustn't contribute to that!!

In other news that is news, our weather is considerably warmer and wetter.  It's much more akin to what we usually expect in January.  The mud is back to being sticky and wet, no need for the water trough heater, and the blankets are only for Miss Kadie on those particularly wet and blustery days.  However, she doesn't really need a blanket for warmth at all, I just don't want her getting wet and chilled.  Our temps are in the upper 40's by night, and into the 50's by day.  A light jacket or vest is all that's required to ward off the winter's chill.  I've noticed recently that the horses are starting to shed their winter coats as well, so are the dogs.  Just maybe, we're in for a warmer and drier spring than we've had in the last several years.  That would be wonderful!  I've noticed the daylight hours being a bit longer as well.  There's still some light in the sky when I head home in the evenings, and daylight savings is less than 6 weeks away.  I'm amazed at how well I'm handling my SAD this year.  Although, there's nothing in particular that I'm doing, it just doesn't seem to be bothering me much yet this year.  What a blessing that is!

We took a day trip to the beach last Sunday.  It was raining on and off all day, but there was very little wind.  The surf was angry and the tide was in, which made walking on the beach a more cautious affair.  Despite the weather and the formidable waves, we donned our coats and hats and walked to our heart's content.  I've definitely noticed Annie slowing down a bit lately.  She loves walking, but she prefers to stay close by my side and keeps my pace rather than running off with Ruby.  It just breaks my heart to admit this, but it's true.  My girl will be 8 on April 30th, so she is a mature lady, a puppy no more...I will love her and care for her every single day that we have together.  I'm her person.  She's a momma's girl, and always has been.  :)

When we grew tired of walking, we went into McMenamen's Pub for their amazing clam chowder in sourdough bread bowls.  Oh my - their chowder is the very best I've had since I worked for Lois DeVore many, many years ago.  She took her chowder recipe with her to her grave, and the world would grieve if it only knew what it was missing.  I can honestly say that this is the first chowder I've EVER had that even remotely comes close to Lois'...and that is saying something.  It is delicious and I highly recommend trying it if you have a McMenamen's near you.  Try it alongside an icy glass of their Ruby Ale...they brew it themselves and it's infused with raspberry puree.  So good!

anticipation...

 My sweet hubby had cleaned the stalls and put hay rations out before we left, so when we got home, all we had to do was bring the horses inside and give them their grain.  They were definitely ready.  Warm, cozy stalls are much more inviting than standing outside in mud and rain.  Our ponies love their little homes, and that makes us happy!

January full moon over cingspots

May we all look upon our transitions with grace and with thankfulness...
Blessings, Lorie @ Cingspots

Remembering what made me smile this past year...

It's my birthday...no big deal, but I decided to post just a few pictures of some of the reasons I had to smile in 2010. This certainly isn't all that I've had to smile about, but some that I'm blessed to remember.

My beach trip last summer with the dogs. Nellie's last time at the beach...I'm so thankful she had so much fun.

A trip to the lake with the dogs...Nellie was just about to step into the water here.

And after taking that step...gotta watch that first step! :)

One of the many spectacular sunsets I can watch from my front porch.

Sorry for the gross picture...but I'm thankful that I can no longer remember Kadie's vulva looking this gruesome. It's gone...totally gone. Another blessing and this still makes me smile.

Completing home improvement projects with the help of loving, wonderful family members. Thank you Steve and Chris!!! We love you guys!!!

Harley. This guy makes me smile every single day.

Babies. This is one of two, new babies we have been blessed with in our family. This adorable girl is Lilly, and she's my great-great niece. I have another great-great niece named Faith, but I don't have any pictures of her yet. They make me smile bigtime.

My 24 year old retired horse, Kadie. Best mountain horse in the world. I didn't realize just how spoiled I'd become by riding such a perfect horse...she makes me smile every single day too. I love this horse!!!

And Ladde - what can I say about the Laddmonster, other than he's perfect. Kadie's one and only baby...and a gift from God. *smile*

This guy and this dog...LOVE them!!!!!!!!!! I kinda think Annie loves daddy too...what do you think?

Nellie...she gave us such joy! The time was short, but it was precious.

St. Annie...the best friend anybody coule ever ask for. Color me blessed.

Friendship always makes me smile...

My little flower garden off the deck. Not only did they make me smile, but they were a constant source of heavenly scent. Nice.

We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year - there's something to smile about! I love my honey!!! We've done it all...for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; for better and for worse...and we continue on till death do us part...**fingers crossed** hoping that's a long time down the road. :)

This is how they'd greet me when I came home. Nellie and Annie...buds.

Our animal friends seem to come and go, sometimes way too soon, in our lives. Princess, the kitty in the background - here one day, gone the next...and Nellie, gone but not forgotten. I smile because they all make my life better.

Pretty "Princess" kitty...I like to think that she's living the high life somewhere enriching someone else's life right now.

Silliness makes me smile. Nellie and Annie.

A beautiful sunrise looking out across the familiar field next door. I will never tire of seeing this gorgeous view.

Looking out on the morning rain...

...I used to feel so uninspired, and when I knew I had to face another day, Lord it made me feel so tired...before the day I met you, life was so unkind, you're the key to my peace of mind...cause you make me feel like a natural woman...

Those are not my words, but words from a dearly beloved song. One of my favorites, and somehow today, on my 51st birthday, they seem even more fitting. I think of my husband and can smile, I think of our dogs and can smile, and I think of our beautiful horses...and smile.

Guess I can't deny the inevitable any longer - I am no longer a "girl"... somedays my insecurities still get the best of me, but only emotionally. Time marches on.

I'm feeling a little bit nostalgic this morning. Maybe because it's my birthday, another milestone, maybe because it's raining...more probably because I've been looking through some old pictures and remembering. Oh memories - they are so emotional for me, in so many ways. No matter how much I try, I'm really not very good at "living in the moment". That is something I regret, for it seems like I have always been that way...not very good at appreciating the simple, but profound joys in my life while they are happening. I am trying to change, but for me, change is not easy. Maybe that's something a lot of people are uncomfortable with.

I think that's one of the many, many reasons I love horses so very much - their ability to live only in the moment. I also believe that any horseman/woman worth their salt is one who's mastered this, at least when they're working with a horse...it's the only way to be. The horse deserves this, nothing less.

And maybe - just maybe, that's why I love being with horses so very much...it's the only time I'm truly in the moment.

Life is worth all the work it can be...

Here's to another year...may it be good. Oh, and God please, pretty please...help me to become wiser and not just another year older?

Emotions and Monsoons

Clearly it is spring...for the monsoons have arrived. Yeeuck. I cannot believe how hard it was raining yesterday and last night. The weatherman says that we are in a pattern of wet weather - ya think? I hurried home last night to get the horses in as quickly as possible, and they were hiding out in the outside barns. The boys were in one shelter and the girls were in another. The girls looked traumatized. They were wet and trembling. Seriously trembling, all over their bodies and it wasn't from being cold. I often wonder just what takes place when we're not around. Hmmm, probably never will know. Anyway, so I brought everybody in as quickly as possible, gave them some hay and filled up the water buckets. Everybody settled in and calmed down...momma had arrived, there was food, shelter and routine - blessed routine. Horses are suckers for routine. It is a comforting thing. All was well.

Even Merlin wanted to come in for the night. Lately, since the weather had warmed up and I'd been leaving the large sliding door open at night for some fresh air, he'd come in and have a quick bite, then head back on out and spend the night outside in the pasture. But not last night, uh-huh, he was staying inside and he was wet...and smelly. Have you ever gotten a good whiff of a soaking wet llama?? Well, trust me - you're not missing a thing. They stink!! Llamas stink big time - but especially when they're wet. It's something that's hard to describe...but imagine, rotten old fritos mixed in with something earthy and male and...oh, I just can't describe it. I only know that it's not a pleasant smell. Nothing like horses, they smell good, but not Merlin!! He is seriously one smelly old dude...but I digress.

Last weekend was a mixed bag. As usual, the time went unbearably fast and was over in a flash. We decided to stay home and not go to church, so we spent a quiet morning around home, which felt great not to have to get up and rush off somewhere. We got the stalls cleaned early and spent some time sitting in the morning sunshine watching the horses eat their breakfasts. That was nice. Then I headed inside to fix my potluck dishes for the family barbecue Saturday afternoon. My sis and hubby have been gone to sunny Arizona for the last couple of months and they had just gotten home. So, to welcome them back and celebrate their 47th wedding anniversary, we were having a family get-together. Sounds nice huh? Remember, this is family we're talking about here. Always interesting if nothing else. Overall it was a nice time spent socializing and eating and relaxing. A brief, but intense spring storm moved through and brought with it, some pretty impressive thunder and lightening, a lot of rain and some very high winds. We had no damage, but watching the local news that evening showed that many folks in the Portland area did. Strange season so far. So, anyway we got home rather late, brought the horses in for a late supper and watched a little tv before turning in. Geez we live exciting lives don't we?

Sunday was spent mostly indoors because of rainy weather. I did some housecleaning and laundry, cleaned the horse stalls and even managed to take an afternoon nap. I wasn't really feeling very well and was overly emotional most of the day and probably wasn't very pleasant to be around for the most part. Good thing we stayed at home, I guess. I think part of my problem is weather related. I've been feeling very cooped up and unable to do a lot of physical activities lately which always makes me feel irritable and caged. I'm very anxious to begin conditioning my horses for the riding season and also have been looking forward to doing some gardening. I have so many projects dancing around in my head, but haven't been able to get anything started and it's really making me feel edgy.

Another issue is finances. We have really been feeling the pressures lately due to the reduced hours where my hubby works and I'm always feeling like we're trying to play catch-up. Seriously is getting very old. We both have always had to work full-time and our wages are very much on the lower end and that doesn't help either. Our truck is going into the shop today for the diagnostics. It has been overheating and we have no idea what is causing the problem. Hopefully it will be nothing serious and we can get it repaired without having to put it on the credit card. Our poor old house has so many issues that I won't even bother going into that. I just feel like there are way too many issues on my plate lately and I am not in the right frame of mind to deal with it all. I would love to run away from all the pressures and duties of this life for a while and deal with everything on my own terms, instead of somebody else's terms for a change. Wouldn't that be nice? Dreams, I know, just dreams.

But, in the midst of it all I remain thankful for the many blessings that surround me every single day. I just need to keep those things foremost in my mind and breathe deeply...for as my momma always said - "this too, shall pass". So very true.

On a brighter note, an old friend of mine will be staying occasionally at our place in her motor home while she does some planning about her own life. I had wished for someone to mentor and/or tutor me with my horsemanship...and like an answer to a prayer, here she comes, back into my life after being gone for about 5 years. I am looking forward to riding with her and having her help me with some issues that I have been struggling with. I am really excited about that. I just need to get some better footing in our outside riding area and maybe get our neighbor to do some work with his tractor. If the weather cooperates, it won't be long before I'm back in the saddle; and Lord knows that is always good for this cowgirl's soul. Yes indeedy!! And...I'm even wearing real shoes again!! Whoo hoo...things are looking up!!

Blessings from cingspots