Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Spring and a birthday

Yeah, can you believe it?  Winter is finished.  And what a gentle and short-lived winter it was.  We had enough variety and not overly wet or cold that I wasn't bothered at all by the usually dreariest season of all.  The one that in years past has put me into a state of mild to moderate depression at times.  Nope, didn't happen to me this year.  I tried to focus my thoughts on appreciating the good about winter instead of wishing it were something or somehow different than it was.  I even appreciated the quieter, slower pace of life spent indoors pursuing a more leisurely way of life.  Whether that was what made it more tolerable, even enjoyable to me this year over the past will likely remain a mystery to me, but alas, perspective seems to be at the heart of so many things in life.

It's Ladde's birthday today.  *sigh*  How can it be that, that long-awaited, gangly colt could possibly be 23 years old today?  A big, strong, handsome horse he became and an answer to our prayers. He is a source of so many blessings over these past years.  I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that it's been so long since that early morning I found him atop that pile of rocks with Kadie standing guard over him.  My beautiful girl became a momma and I had a project that would prove to be one of the most fulfilling of my life so far.  He has taught me so much!  And I will for all my days, be thankful for him in our lives.  Happy birthday big, beautiful boy!!

I really wanted to do better about posting on my blog, but that hasn't been happening.  Two and a half months have passed since I last wrote my thoughts down here.  I find writing to be therapeutic and above all, a journal of sorts, for me to look back upon as years go by.  It's a place to share what's going on in our lives, what we've been doing, or thinking about, projects we either want to pursue or have accomplished.  It's a valuable tool for remembering when my memory fails me. 

Writing is a source of sharing with the world how I feel, what my hopes and dreams are, a way of reaching out in hope that someone reading my words, might in some, small way, understand and feel a sense of camaraderie with another in a very different or faraway place.  A simple pleasure or an important life experience made better by the sharing and mutual connection with others. I do believe that we're all more connected than we realize. 

 Sometimes this world can feel like a very lonely place.  Everyone seems to be so busy, caught up in their own lives and there's never enough time for making real connections with people.  I have deeply appreciated the people I've come to know through this blog, having felt a sincere kinship with others whom I would likely never have crossed paths with.  Kindred spirits and heartfelt friendships that have softened the blows of hardship and made richer the blessings.  I'm grateful for you all, for your comments and for your own thoughts that I've read on your blogs over the years.  I spend a lot of time by myself, inside my own head and it does me a lot of good to share and hopefully be understood.  I think that's important to all people, don't you?  To be understood? 

I think I'm starting to sound a bit melancholy, and maybe I am a bit.  My husband received news that the part time job he's had since retiring will be ending soon.  If we're fortunate, the paychecks will continue through the end of April.  After that, I'm at a loss for how we'll continue to live and support our animals as we have been.  I'm trying to be proactive, instead of reactive and be brutally honest about our finances and how we proceed from here.  I can't lie, it's going to be almost impossible without some serious cuts.  We've weathered many a storm over the years and have been blessed in times of trouble, so I try to remain faithful in this as well, remembering how we've been led in the past.  Our lifestyle seems like a simple one, but in the months to come, I have a feeling I just might get a very good education in how much more simple it can, and will become.  :)  If you're of the praying type, we would really appreciate it if we could be remembered in your prayers. 

On the upside, I'm a fairly optimistic sort with a stubborn streak a mile wide.  I believe in the power of faith and in hard work.  When I look back over the years and the trials we've come through, I'm a little amazed at what we've been able to accomplish.  I know we didn't do this alone, and believe God will be at our sides, come what way.  Our little home and our family of critters mean the world to us, and we'll do our very best (and most creative) to keep going and persevere.  Sometimes, just the telling of the tale and sharing of the situation lightens the heart and helps build confidence, don't you agree? 

If you've been following along over the years, you'll remember that I haven't ridden much at all the last couple of years.  The reasons vary, but for the first time in almost a year, I rode my horse the other day.  I got a wild hair, the sun was shining and it was a glorious day.  I went out and spent a couple of hours with Eagle.  He really seemed to enjoy the attention and was all warm and buttery soft after the grooming session, so I saddled him up and spent a little time working him freelance in the round pen.  He did really well, a little rusty, but a fine job overall.  I sat down for a little break in the sun and allowed Eagle his "time to soak" and ponder his feelings about what had just happened.  He watched me with those soft, doe-like eyes of his; and before long, he moseyed on over to where I was sitting and very delicately rubbed his muzzle in my hair, on my shoulder and down my you can imagine, I was overcome with emotion that this gorgeous, magnificent beast would so willingly choose to be with me.  *sigh*  There just isn't anything like the affections of a horse to fill the heart and soul with such satisfaction and pure joy.  I am so blessed to share my life with him! 

Without any hesitation, I mounted up and rode for only about 15-20 minutes, but it was enough to reinforce my desire to ride again, and again, and continue to strive for confidence and relaxation atop this wonderful horse.  I don't know if I will ever feel truly comfortable on him all the time.  He is such a powerful animal and can intimidate me so very easily.  I cannot explain it, or understand why, but that's the truth of it.  I am however, eternally thankful to share my life with him, and learn from him, and build upon that relationship that grows deeper with each passing day.  I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world! 

Happy Spring dear friends!  May your days be filled with warm sunshine and gentle breezes enough to carry your troubles away...

until we meet again,
Lorie @ Cingspots