The downside of time

...is that we all get old.  Or we don't, and then we die.  But die, we all must.  It's that part in the middle where we have some choices.

I borrowed that title from Michelle's blog because I sat here staring at the blank screen having no idea what to call this post.  Her title seems appropriate, and so I decided to use it too.  Thanks Michelle, hope you don't mind.  But I got nothing.

I just wanted to do an update and talk a little about what's been going on.  I feel like I'm spinning my wheels again lately.  I've been so busy.  But at what, I haven't a clue.  My house is in chaos, again.  I see dog hair, dust bunnies and dirt everywhere I look.  I see stuff everywhere.  Where in the world did we get all this stuff?  Why do we have so much?  *sigh*  If I could just part with about half of the possessions I have, I do believe I wouldn't miss a thing.  And there would be space.  Wonderful, open, space.  Cleaning would be easier too.  My hubs has finished the living room, and we've destroyed the bedroom.  Everything that was in there is now upstairs or in the living room.  Our bed is soon to follow.  We can't sleep upstairs because there's clothes piled on that bed, and Annie cannot climb the stairs, and that is exactly what she would want to do.  So...we're going to move the bed into the living room (if it will fit) and sleep on the floor for a while.  Annie will enjoy that.  :)  And that makes it all worthwhile.

Yes, my Annie is still hanging in there.  I'm waffling a bit about when exactly "her time" will be.  She sleeps a lot now, and she can't go on walks anymore.  On the flip side, she still enjoys a good belly rub and sighs contentedly when I softly stroke her face and head.  She's still eating, drinking and going outside for potty breaks.  She still insists on going whenever she hears the keys rattle.  There is nothing at all impaired about her hearing.  Or her nose.  She lives for cookies and loves to snarl and bark at the occasional bicyclist.  These are the things she lives for now.  She seems comfortable, with the occasional restless night where she can't seem to lay just right.  But then I have those too...it's just very hard to know when.  I pray that she lets me know.  I think she will.

After about a week or so of torrential rains, about 5" by the rain gauge, our weather has once again turned beautiful.  It's warm, breezy and there's lots of sunshine.  Our temps are in the low to mid 60's by day and we're still sleeping with our window open at night.  My daphne plant is in full bloom and the scent that wafts through our window is delicious and heady.  My plant has finally grown big enough that I cut a decent-sized bouquet and brought it inside.  I can't even tell that I cut anything.  When I was leaving for work this morning, I noticed that my daffodils are in bloom.  The tulips won't be far behind.  It feels like spring, but it's early enough that we could get a cold snap and that could potentially be devastating for the budding fruit crop.  I bet we have a horrendous amount of bugs this summer if we don't get a cold snap though.  Nothing in life is ever perfect, is it?  Whatever happens though, we'll just deal with it.  We're thankful for our mild winter.  This will be a February for the record books.  The warmest ever in recorded history.  I just hope we don't have an overly wet spring.

Yesterday I got Annie all settled on the couch, she'd had her meds and a big drink and was ready for a nice, long nap.  Perfect time to grab Ruby and head outside for a walk.  Ruby was SO excited!!  Seeing her so happy was exactly what I needed to snap me out of my doldrums and out of my head.  I should have been cleaning my house, but the sunshine and exercise were exactly what I needed too!

The time outside was good for both of us, and I'm so glad we went.  I think I've come to terms with Annie's condition.  I will always be thankful for her, she is a wonderful blessing in my life.  Whenever the time comes, I will be strong on her behalf, and do what I know to be the kindest thing. Without a doubt, a little of me will die with her, but how can that not happen when you love so deeply?   I cannot help but long for the time and place where sadness, tears and death are no more.  But until that time, we have to get through it all the best way we can.  Life goes on.

I came back and took a few pictures of the horses while I was out cleaning the stalls.  The day was so warm that frequent breaks were required *wink*.

As you can see from the following pictures, the horses have been exercising their freedom to roll.  And roll.  And roll.  And roll...filthy, hairy, fat, but pleased.  Dirty beasts.  I give up trying to groom them with any regularity while this mud remains.  I simply don't have the energy or the time to keep up.  Nope, not at all.

Eagle's soft eye  

You know this look took some effort.  *sigh*

This is the gruesome threesome...

Missy used to enjoy being a clean, ladylike horse...not so, anymore.

My view from the barn

My beautiful girl.  An angel among us...

I've recently learned that my kidneys are functioning at only about 38%.  That was not news that I was expecting.  This has taken me quite by surprise and kind of knocked me for a loop.  I've got several upcoming appointments with a specialist, a nutritionist, more labs and an U/S...oh boy.  The worst part is that there's not a lot that I can do about it.  I've got to get educated about this because apparently, there might be a small measure of hope that I can slow down the progression.  I watched my mom go through dialysis 3x a week for 6 years.  Frankly, I think I'd rather go to my rest than suffer through that.  My grandma used to say that, "we all have our crosses to bear".  I guess this is another area that she was oh, so right.

That's about it for now,
Lorie @ Cingspots