That's what life feels like lately. Just doing what needs to be done and getting through each day, one step at a time, over and over and over. My mind is kind of blank and my emotions range from sadness to acceptance to feeling numb, and at times feeling thankful and even happy. It's tiring.
Last weekend we kept very busy. Friday eve after work we did the horse chores, fed the pups, fed ourselves, watched a little TV and were in bed by 10. Exciting, aren't we?
Saturday morning dawned, once again sunny and beautiful. Our weather has been nothing short of amazing this month. A February for the record books they say. I just know it's been so enjoyable, and I'm so thankful. Sunshine and less rain makes everything about farm life much simpler.
We had a nice, leisurely breakfast and then went to church. Afterwards we stopped at DQ for ice cream cones...us and the dogs. Annie and Ruby were thrilled at having their very own! Such a little thing makes them so very happy. When we got back home, hubs decided to relax on the couch with Annie, which translates to having a little nap, so it was the perfect opportunity to once again grab Ruby and head outside for a walk. We walked the perimeter of the neighboring farm field and along the creek. Up the hill and back down the other side. I wish I'd left my jacket at home because I ended up having to carry it again it was so warm. Ruby decided to have a little swim...against my threats about NOT getting in the water. *sigh* Labs are almost impossible to keep out of water. She was in and swimming almost before I could get my mouth open. Sneaky little pooch did this 3 or 4 times until I made her stick closer to me, so I could watch her more closely. Oh well, swamp dog had fun.
When we got home, hubs was just stretching and coming to life, so we headed out to the barn to do the chores. Got everything done, brought the horses inside and spent a little time with each of them. When it was just getting dark, we headed inside to get cleaned up and make a quick trip to Home Depot. We needed to pick the paint up for the bedroom walls and ceiling. Yes, I've finally made a decision on the color! Benjamin Moore Silvermist, which I had Home Depot color match in their Behr Ultra Premium Plus paint. It is wonderful paint and is much more affordable than BM or Sherwin Williams, which I've always used in the past. I can almost buy 2 gallons for the price of 1. You can't beat that! So, we started for home and decided to stop at this little Chinese place for a quick bite. Good food! Either that, or we were starving because we hadn't eaten since the ice cream cones in early afternoon. :)
Once home we watched a little TV and were in bed by about 10:30...totally out of control, right? Seems a little strange, but totally convenient to be sleeping in the living room. Sunday we relaxed on the deck enjoying our morning coffee in the glorious sunshine - yes, it was that warm! We had a hummingbird visit the daphne bush and even saw honeybees and one bumbler. So great! Annie gets overheated really easily now, so she lounged either on the deck with us, or in the tall grass under the shade tree. I'm so thankful she can sleep so much because she can't walk hardly at all now, almost non-weight bearing on that leg. :(
Anyway, the rest of the day was spent cleaning our house; a little (or a lot) of early spring cleaning, laundry and reorganizing...preparation for trips to Goodwill, or a garage sale. I'm not sure I'm up for that though. Then Claudia and I met in town and had pedicures. What a treat that was! It felt so very good to sit back, relax and have someone massage my feet and legs and make my toes all pretty!! I could get used to that for sure...very nice. It's always nice to visit with my friend too.
When I got back home, hubs had done the chores, just hadn't brought the horses inside yet. Yay!!! He said he didn't think I'd want to mess up my toes cleaning stalls...how sweet! Gotta love that guy. So...I decided to make a potato salad to go along with the T-bones I had marinating all day. Steaks on the BBQ in February!! How cool is that!? They were so good, was a nice treat for us. That's almost the end of our beef we put in the freezer a year ago, last October. Anyway, we enjoyed our dinner and then brought the horses in and settled back for a relaxing evening in front of the pellet stove and a movie. Hubby fell asleep, I watched Downton Abbey and then we hit the sack. In bed at 10 again...wild and crazy we are!
That was our busy weekend. We accomplished a lot and it felt good. I spent good, quality time with Annie and I took a few pictures of my girl sleeping in the sun. How I wish I could have a do-over, but that's just not gonna happen. I've made the appointment, so this time next week my girl will be gone. It's so hard to believe how very fast the last 10 years have gone. When I got Annie she was about 6 months old and my mom was in renal failure. My mom never got to know Annie at all. She would have loved her, and Annie would have loved mom. Everybody did. Two great ladies that I have been blessed to have in my life. My mom left this life quietly and in peace. I pray that my Annie will leave this life in the same way in which she lived it - with quiet dignity and grace. And as always, I will be by her side, holding her and telling her how much she has always meant to me and that someday when we both get to heaven; she'd better come find me. We both know she's better at finding her way than I am.
Blessings all,
Lorie
7 comments:
I'm sorry you're going to lose her - but I'm glad you've had her with you all these years.
oh hugs my friend! such a sad loss, but a wonderful life of love and memories she has given you ! I wish I could be there to hold your hand through this.Not because I don't think you can handle it , just because. Hugs again , and sweet kisses to your beautiful girl
You and Annie will be in my thoughts, Lorie. xxx
I think what appears regular and mundane, serves as grounding when things feel off kilter. Funny that your dogs get their own cones! We grill year round, even in the snow & cold. So nice that you are enjoying such lovely weather. Your last paragraph choked me up...doesn't really fit, but the melody from a song that shares her name, Sweet Annie by Zac Brown, came to mind...you are a brave good-hearted woman Lorie. Hugs to you & your sweet Annie!!
I'm so sorry Annie will not be with you after next week. It's so hard to make the decision and even harder to stick to it. Hugs to you and Annie. She had a wonderful life with you and will be missed more than she knows.
I read a blog post this winter, on a horse blog maybe you follow, too, about the importance to animals of our breathing slow and steady. It helps them relax; let's them know all is well. Said that breathing like that is never more important than when we have to give them that final kindness. I've held that in my heart, knowing how hard it will be, because that is the time that my breath is caught in my throat, or I'm sobbing jaggedly. But it makes sense, and I've determined to try for all of my animals from here on out. So I will pray you have courage to keep breathing long, slow, relaxed breaths as Annie slips away, so she feels all is well. You know I'll be there hugging you in spirit....
Thank you for all the kind words, it does really help knowing that other people understand. And Michelle, I will try very hard to breath slowly and relax for Annie's sake. Thanks again.
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