Today's gift

Each morning when I awaken, I begin my day by feeling rushed.  I'd like to change that.  I have a quick word or two with my Maker, always trying to remain thankful for having been awakened and having a bright new day filled with prospects of something new.  I'm trying really, really hard to live my life more fully by being more aware and in the present.  I've never been much of a big planner, rather spending my days dreaming or conjuring up possibilities of things I'd like to do, places I'd like to visit and tasks I want to accomplish.  The problem is, I'm always at work and everything that I'd like to be doing is usually at home.  That presents a rather oppressive outlook on the likelihood of accomplishing much.  You see, most days when I arrive at home after a long day at work, I'm either brain dead or physically tired, sometimes both.  I don't have a lot of energy or time left for my interests.  In many cases, I do a few quick tasks, throw something together for dinner, head out to take care of the horses and have an hour or so of quiet time before heading off to bed for another round the next day.  Day in and day out, this is how it goes.  I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and making very little progress.  I really get tired of hearing of so many people's lack of time when they don't work an outside job and have so many more available hours in the day to accomplish what I have to try and complete in a couple of evening hours and then on the weekend.  Grrrr...
chaps my hide.  Walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

One thing that I do (or try to do) most mornings is have a bit of devotional time.  This is accomplished in a variety of ways, but usually involves reading from Scripture or one of my various devotional books that are Scripture-based.  I find this is the very best way to mindfully be aware that each new day is truly a gift.  I can choose to accept my life with gratitude and make the best of what is, or I can wish for things to be different.  Just by realizing that this is my choice is very helpful for me to feel less resentful of my many hours spent away from where I'd rather be.  I'm very thankful that I have a job, and for the most part I enjoy my job.  I am blessed that I'm able to participate in supporting our home and the lifestyle that we've chosen.  I'm also very aware that my husband's role of maintaining our home has become more of his responsibility, than it is mine.  It just works out that way, he's working 2-3 days a week now instead of 5, and he's got the time to devote to what I'd like to be doing.  He's very near completing the painting in our laundry room, mudroom/entry way and all the new trim and doorways in our kitchen and the nook off the kitchen.  Tonight when I get home, I'll hopefully be able to get the windows washed, the freshly laundered curtains ironed and re-hung, a quick dinner prepared and (hopefully) have a bit of daylight left to spend some time working with Eagle.  Our weather has been absolutely perfect for horseback riding, or really for just about anything outside.  I'm determined to get the house put back together and get outside and enjoy.

The trouble I find is that almost always, everything takes me longer than I visualize it taking.  Here's that spinning wheels feeling again that I just hate.  My solution is to offer up a quick prayer, a request for peace of mind, and of acceptance, that tomorrow is another day.  If I'm unable to finish everything that I'd hoped for, I'll always have tomorrow to work on that never-ending "to do" list that I've always got in front of me.  *sigh*  I'm trying to just be happy and satisfied that I'm able to finish some things, even if not everything, and be thankful for what we are able to do.   And as always, I'm so very thankful that my hard-working husband is busy on my "to do" list as well.  If it weren't for my never ending lists, he'd probably be content to go riding himself, or maybe go fishing on a sunny day, or enjoy a nap on the deck.  I have to remember that he's not doing exactly what he'd really like to be doing either.  He does all the things he does, because he loves me.  He does them because he wants me to be happy.  :)  I guess there's truth to that old saying, "if mama's happy, then everybody's happy".  Seems like the woman's attitude in a home really does set the precedence for others as well.  If you think of it that way, then we as women really have a lot of responsibility for the happiness of others in our homes.  Anyway...

He truly is my gift.  And a lot of the time, I repay his efforts and hard work and kindness...by being irritable and crabby with him.  I see tiny imperfections in what he's done.  I forget to say thank you.  I complain that he washed my black sweater with the towels, again.  Sometimes I wonder why he puts up with me.

If I were able to be a fly on the wall, what would I think?  What would I say to myself?  Maybe I don't want to know.  If I know me, I'd jump down and slap that gal silly!  Tell her to take a look around at all she has to be happy about.  Explain to her that nothing ever stays the same.  Remind her that our loved ones aren't here to do our bidding, and that they won't be around forever.  I think I'd tell her to overlook the small things that in the end, really don't matter.  I'd tell her to enjoy more, worry less, laugh at circumstances more often, be thankful for everything, and everyone.  I'd tell her to tell them that they are so very important, and that she loves them more than she knows how to express.

But flies don't talk much.  And if I were that fly, I'd probably have better things to do, sooo I persevere and do the best that I can.  And I remind myself as often as I can, to give thanks for my life, and always be mindful that I have so much to be grateful for.  I truly am blessed.

Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith...      Henry Ward Beecher

I choose faith.