Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Blue Wednesday

Boy, what an emotional day it's been for me. I can be an overly emotional person a lot of the time anyway, at least by most people's standards. At my age, maybe that's not uncommon, but even by my own standards, this one's been a doozy. It's very tiring caring so much about so many. And, as I continue to learn, I'm not in control in this life. That's the really frustrating part, coming to the realization that even though I care deeply and passionately about some things, be it people or animals or causes, I am just along for the ride most of the time. We all do whatever it is that we can do to help - in our own ways. But at the end of the day, we have to be content knowing that someone besides us is in charge and we just keep going, and each doing what it is in this life that we do.

I feel sad because the first thing I did after arriving at the clinic was check out a few blogs and my e-mails. I learned from a fellow blogger that the little starving horse named "Noah" died shortly after arriving at his new home. They named him "Noah" because that is the Hebrew word for peace. That's a very nice name, I think. He deserved some peace in his life, if anybody did. I'm not sure what touched me about this little guy, but his soulful face seemed to cry out for some kind of love and compassion. Mrs. Mom who is obviously a passionate individual jumped in along with some other caring people and re-located this horse and were ready and willing to go the distance and try to rehabilitate him and bring him back to health. But alas, it was too late and Noah didn't make it. I have to be satisfied knowing that there are people in this world who do care and are willing to go that extra distance to try. I am thankful that Noah died in a warm, cushy bed of shavings with a blanket on and his belly was somewhat satisfied from a meal. I believe that he felt safe, maybe for the first time in a long time. I believe that he felt loved: and that will have to be enough. I am thankful for that. Rest in peace little Noah.

On a different subject, I have been feeling very lonely for a while now. I guess I've just been feeling nostalgic lately, reminiscing about the way life used to be. My parents are both gone. My dad died almost 14 years ago and my mom died almost 3 years ago. I still miss them both very much. I have 2 sisters, but only one that I have a relationship with. Most of the time, it's just my hubby and me and our animals. Thank God we have them. They really do enrich our lives every day. Life would be far less sweet without them and that makes them very valuable to me. Not in monetary value - the kind of value I'm talking about goes so much deeper. I've learned more from my horses than from any other teacher I've known. My horses make me laugh, they definitely keep me humble and they are better listeners than any counselor or psychoanalyst ever could hope to be. They are always honest and you never have to worry about them divulging your secrets or gossiping to strangers about you.

They are a blessing and once again, when I go home, I will give thanks to a wonderful, loving Creator who gave mankind such wonderful companions. I am constantly reminded that although my life is not perfect; it is a good life. I am forever in His debt.


fernvalley01 said...

So Sorry to hear about "Noah" I guess you may find some comfort that at least his last days were spent in loving care. You sound tired, I too know that heartsick feeling that can overwhelm a person.Today is just one day and although yopu may not feel that you did you have had a positive impact in your world. It is in our times of trial that we find our true strength and faith

OnTheBit said...

I cried when I heard about Noah. I bet he knew it was finally okay, and sometimes that is all it takes to be able to let go.

Melanie said...

Awwwww...your post is really sweet, honest, and sincere, and that tells us alot about you! :)

I was disapointed to hear that little Noah didn't make it as well, but at least his final hours were comfortable.

I am sorry about your mom and dad, and I understand what it like to not get along well with sisters... or other family members for that matter.

Hang in there! Tomorrow will be a better day, and know that you have blog friends that are here to listen to you when it's not (weird, isn't it???).

Glad to see that you have more pic up! See??? You are getting the hang of it!!

allhorsestuff said...

Oh sweetie, that made me cry too..I have read so many stories from Kim Meeder and her rescue ranch Crystal Peaks in Central Oregon...that I thought I would never cry again.
The True stories she writes of the horses and the needy, seeking children she pairs(actaully God does the paiing, Kim just facilitates the healing Christ does) they are wonderful and so full of Hope!

Here is something from her book for you dear heart!

Hope is like a
Sky full of
we see them or
not doesn't
change the fact
that they are
always there.
Truly, it is not
until the night is
at it's very
we see them
shine the most

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Your post touched my heart. All of my grandparents have passed on, as well as my Mother. My Dad is alive, but doing his own thing with my stepmom in another state, so I rarely speak with him.

I find that the closer we get to the holidays and winter, when I'm not able to spend so much time outside and find myself indoors way too much...I often get down in the dumps, too.

But like you said, animals have a wonderful way at knowing how to pull us humans out of our funks if we only let them.

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and thinking cheery thoughts for you, too. :)


Callie said...

I hear ya girl, Noah touched my heart as well. I can totally understand about your parents. I lost both of my parents nearly ten years apart both to mutiple offender drunk drivers(long story) and my only sister just 3yrs ago. I have my wonderful husband and our three children (his two and my one).My ex-husband, the father of my daughter just died a few weeks ago. Tlak about stressful. And just a brother and his two sons left on my side. I too am greatful for my husband, our children, and our animals. Hang in there, there are many of us out here.

Anonymous said...

Thear are very fue people in this world who are brave enoughff, strong enoughff or honest enoughff to not only wear thear feelings for all to see and live by thear conviction. You are truley one of the fue.

C-ingspots said...

Thank you everybody for your kind words and loving thoughts. It's nice to know there are so many wonderful, caring people in the world who are willing to share and listen even though we've never met. How'd you like that picture of Ladde's snout?? That's a true portrayal of his personality - always sticking his nose into everybody's business. hee hee

Gail said...

You are not alone...remember, we are here.

Pony Girl said...

This was an honest and touching post. I get that nostalgic feeling sometimes.
I can't imagine life without my family. You are blessed with a great husband and animals and know the true meaning, what is really important.