Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Like a fish out of water...



...sigh.  Not sure where to begin, but I'm caught in one of those cycles where I feel like I'm in a state of limbo.  We've got several projects at home in the works, but all remain unfinished for various reasons.  My husband is still out of work and on unemployment (with a very small chance of returning), which is substantially less than what our budget is accustomed to.  I worry about that too, because we're not paying taxes on those benefits, and our tax refund each spring is where we get our money for that year's hay supply.  Without it, we're up a creek.  So, I'm thinking we may not have any savings for buying hay next year, and we may owe taxes.  Ouch!

We're still trying to sell our horse trailer and have had nibbles, but nothing has panned out yet. Last evening a guy came to look at it, and we couldn't get inside.  The lock was frozen up and my husband had to climb in through the window, and still the door wouldn't open.  The guy looked through the windows as best as he could, but ended up leaving.  Now, we need to either repair or replace the lock mechanism.  Several other plans hinge upon the selling of our horse trailer, so we're in stall mode there too.  It's so frustrating!  Everywhere I turn, I feel like there are roadblocks and I have no control over any of them.  I try to place my worries in God's hands, and just have faith that everything will work out like it's supposed to, but it's so hard.

Business remains slow at the clinic where I work, and I feel like I'm caged there until it's time to go home, where I can hopefully accomplish something before daylight (or my energy) runs out.  But, I have to remind myself to be thankful that I have a job, because without my income, we'd really be in a world of hurt.

My car is still running alright, but it's got some strange sounds lately too...I'm just changing the oil regularly and ignoring the rest.  And our truck...it's running horribly.  I'm hoping that it's just in need of a tune-up and nothing more serious because there's no way we have any extra money to put into that right now.  If I had a choice, I'd much rather the car quit running, not the truck, because we use that truck for so many different things.  This is the season that I start thinking about fall storage - you know, my squirreling tendencies...making sure the barns are full with hay, at least a ton (preferably 2) of stall bedding pellets, a ton of pellets for our little pellet stove, and of course, firewood.  I'm never comfortable going into fall without 3 or 4 cords of firewood in the woodshed.  And yep, you guessed it - they all require use of our truck.

And, if we're fortunate enough to sell our horse trailer before mortgage interest rates make a jump, there's the question if we're even eligible for a no-cost refinance now, because of my husband's employment situation.  Oh, if I let my thoughts wander and start thinking about everything that I could be worrying about, even if I have no control over much, if any of it...I become overwhelmed, and downright scared of what is to come.  But, I don't usually let myself go there.  I have to remind myself that we have a wonderful Protector who watches over us, and He's perfectly aware of our situation, and of our needs.  He is in charge of everything.  Me?  Not so much.  And so, amidst the uncertainty; I have faith.  Faith that everything will be alright.  Faith that everything will work out as it should work out.  Who knows, maybe it'll be completely different from our plans, but I choose to trust.  I just know exactly how that fish feels...that's all I'm sayin'.

Oh, and I fired Mary.  She's the gal who's been working with me and Eagle for the past 6-8 weeks.  She has done some incredible things with Eagle.  She's in love with him.  She's also refreshed my memory of a lot of groundwork techniques that I haven't used in a long time, and taught me some new exercises too.  And for that, I'm appreciative.  But I can't take it anymore.  According to Mary, I do absolutely nothing right.  I don't catch my horse the right way, I don't lead him in from the pasture properly, I don't carry my saddle the right way, nor apparently, do I put the saddle on correctly, my reins are too short and I don't have enough slack in my reins, I don't mount my horse quickly enough...the list goes on and on and on.  And, Mary never stops talking.  Never.  She constantly talks and my brain just goes numb, and stops absorbing the information.  My confidence is already sorely lacking in a lot of respects.  I don't need this.  So I decided to take a break.  A very much-needed break from Mary.  For the foreseeable future, it's just me and Eagle, or just me and Ladde.  We'll do what we can, the best that we can.  Besides, I can't afford to keep paying Mary $40 an hour every week...

Onward and upward, my friends!!

So, what's been going on in your life???  Maybe you can divert my attention away from myself and our issues...now that I've divulged my entire private life on the worldwide web.  Wow, hadn't really thought about that aspect of it.  :)  Oh well, I've never been accused of being too quiet before...

11 comments:

Ian said...

I'm having the same problem selling my horse trailer. I guess it's the uincertain economy setting in. Keep smiling, things will get better!

Kate said...

You've got a lot going on - remember to breathe and appreciate each day (to the extent you can).

Getting rid of Mary seems like a good decision - one of the reasons I liked working with Heather so much is, like Mark, she takes the positive about what you're doing with the horse and builds on it, rather than focussing on the negative. Works with horses and works with people. Now that you're on your own with Eagle, remember to focus on what he does right and what you do right and build on that.

Grey Horse Matters said...

You do have a lot of things going on right now but with your positive attitude I believe things will eventually turn around for you. I've always been a big believer in "you make your own luck" philosophy. I believe you've made a good start by letting Mary go. Sounds like she was very negative and you don't need that sort of negative energy around you right now. Focus on the good things and do what you feel is right for you and your circumstances. Don't dwell on the bad but focus on the good.

aurora said...

Your worries are understandable, hope things turn around. During difficult times I try to remind myself that for every door that closes, another one opens. Keep looking on the bright side, and find that open door. You've got many wonderful blessings in your life!

Glad you've moved on from Mary, no one needs that. I remember telling myself "I don't need to pay someone to make myself feel bad, I can do that on my own for free!" Keep the good things she taught you & let the rest go. Not easy, but you & Eagle will be all the better for it.

My life isn't much of a diversion, lotsa draining work. It's the family/horses/camera/outdoor stuff that keeps me going. Yep, onward & upward!

Annette said...

Hang in there. I think you did the right thing stopping the work with Mary. There is no reason for a good trainer to be so negative. There are good trainers out there who are positive and that is what you need. Its what we all need. I won't work with someone who is negative -- or who talks nonstop. I think I'd go out of my tree.

Adventures of the Super Ponies said...

Ugh sounds like you have so much going on. I agree with you for seperating with your trainer. No matter how much someone does with your horse they have to keep in mind the owner. Whenever I am working with a new horse I ALWAYS get to know the owners needs. My goal is for someone not to need me anymore. I want people to feel as confident with thier horse as I do. I hope you find the right match!!

Do you have room for another horse? If so have you thought about a boarder? I board my mare at a private home and it is great. My money helps them afford the horses. The private place is cheaper than a boarding stable and I love that she gets one on one attention. You have to get the perfect match but I bet someone is out there. I know you have a lot of horses though so it might be hard to find a good match. HANG IN THERE :)

Carolynn Anctil said...

It could be worse - you could be living with your mother, like me. *grin*

Having faith is the only way to get through stuff like this, and remaining open to the possibilities. God is a mystery to me a lot of the time, yet he always has my best interests at heart. I look back over the rough patches in my life and see evidence of his hand on them. You'll get through this and come out the other side strong in faith and rich in ways you can't even imagine now.

Blessings,
Carolynn

C-ingspots said...

Oh you guys help me out a lot. Thank you so much for the positive words of encouragement. I do realize that you're only hearing my side of the situation (with Mary), and that's probably unfair and prejudiced. I have known her a long time and I've had issues with her personality for the entire time. My biggest issues with her, are that she is completely overbearing and so bossy - her way is the only way! At 52, I'm just too old to completely change everything that I've been taught. And, so far I'm fortunate that nothing bad has ever happened with me and my horses. I chose her because we were both taught by Ray Hunt and her basic philosophy is the same as mine. I need someone who will help me, help my horse. The way to that is to help me re-build my confidence. I'm not without skills, just need encouragement and a little push out of my comfort zone sometimes. Mary just told me to "get over your fears". If only it were that easy...

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

As i dot the last "i" in my comment I am offering up a prayer for you and your husband for things to improve and a job to come his way. We, too have faced great looses recently and I just wanted to throw in the towel a times....but God has a plan for you and it is all for good!

Thanks for taking the time to leave such a beautiful comment on my blog today! :)hugs

fernvalley01 said...

Hang in there hon! I so wish I could just wave a wand and make it better for you , and me and so many but...
Faith helps and getting the negativity out of your life too. and well it sure can't hurt that I pray for you

Maery Rose said...

I haven't put an add up but am also planning on selling my trailer as I always seem to ride with others and could use the money. And my job sounds much like yours. I just watch the hours slowly tick, thinking that at least I have a job. I wish I could think that at least I have an interesting job.

I'm sorry for all your going through. Sounds like you're handling things in the best way you can by believing whatever happens, you'll be able to handle it and be okay. It's good to have that faith.