Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Like a fish out of water...
...sigh. Not sure where to begin, but I'm caught in one of those cycles where I feel like I'm in a state of limbo. We've got several projects at home in the works, but all remain unfinished for various reasons. My husband is still out of work and on unemployment (with a very small chance of returning), which is substantially less than what our budget is accustomed to. I worry about that too, because we're not paying taxes on those benefits, and our tax refund each spring is where we get our money for that year's hay supply. Without it, we're up a creek. So, I'm thinking we may not have any savings for buying hay next year, and we may owe taxes. Ouch!
We're still trying to sell our horse trailer and have had nibbles, but nothing has panned out yet. Last evening a guy came to look at it, and we couldn't get inside. The lock was frozen up and my husband had to climb in through the window, and still the door wouldn't open. The guy looked through the windows as best as he could, but ended up leaving. Now, we need to either repair or replace the lock mechanism. Several other plans hinge upon the selling of our horse trailer, so we're in stall mode there too. It's so frustrating! Everywhere I turn, I feel like there are roadblocks and I have no control over any of them. I try to place my worries in God's hands, and just have faith that everything will work out like it's supposed to, but it's so hard.
Business remains slow at the clinic where I work, and I feel like I'm caged there until it's time to go home, where I can hopefully accomplish something before daylight (or my energy) runs out. But, I have to remind myself to be thankful that I have a job, because without my income, we'd really be in a world of hurt.
My car is still running alright, but it's got some strange sounds lately too...I'm just changing the oil regularly and ignoring the rest. And our truck...it's running horribly. I'm hoping that it's just in need of a tune-up and nothing more serious because there's no way we have any extra money to put into that right now. If I had a choice, I'd much rather the car quit running, not the truck, because we use that truck for so many different things. This is the season that I start thinking about fall storage - you know, my squirreling tendencies...making sure the barns are full with hay, at least a ton (preferably 2) of stall bedding pellets, a ton of pellets for our little pellet stove, and of course, firewood. I'm never comfortable going into fall without 3 or 4 cords of firewood in the woodshed. And yep, you guessed it - they all require use of our truck.
And, if we're fortunate enough to sell our horse trailer before mortgage interest rates make a jump, there's the question if we're even eligible for a no-cost refinance now, because of my husband's employment situation. Oh, if I let my thoughts wander and start thinking about everything that I could be worrying about, even if I have no control over much, if any of it...I become overwhelmed, and downright scared of what is to come. But, I don't usually let myself go there. I have to remind myself that we have a wonderful Protector who watches over us, and He's perfectly aware of our situation, and of our needs. He is in charge of everything. Me? Not so much. And so, amidst the uncertainty; I have faith. Faith that everything will be alright. Faith that everything will work out as it should work out. Who knows, maybe it'll be completely different from our plans, but I choose to trust. I just know exactly how that fish feels...that's all I'm sayin'.
Oh, and I fired Mary. She's the gal who's been working with me and Eagle for the past 6-8 weeks. She has done some incredible things with Eagle. She's in love with him. She's also refreshed my memory of a lot of groundwork techniques that I haven't used in a long time, and taught me some new exercises too. And for that, I'm appreciative. But I can't take it anymore. According to Mary, I do absolutely nothing right. I don't catch my horse the right way, I don't lead him in from the pasture properly, I don't carry my saddle the right way, nor apparently, do I put the saddle on correctly, my reins are too short and I don't have enough slack in my reins, I don't mount my horse quickly enough...the list goes on and on and on. And, Mary never stops talking. Never. She constantly talks and my brain just goes numb, and stops absorbing the information. My confidence is already sorely lacking in a lot of respects. I don't need this. So I decided to take a break. A very much-needed break from Mary. For the foreseeable future, it's just me and Eagle, or just me and Ladde. We'll do what we can, the best that we can. Besides, I can't afford to keep paying Mary $40 an hour every week...
Onward and upward, my friends!!
So, what's been going on in your life??? Maybe you can divert my attention away from myself and our issues...now that I've divulged my entire private life on the worldwide web. Wow, hadn't really thought about that aspect of it. :) Oh well, I've never been accused of being too quiet before...