Thursday, September 22, 2016

Keep the change and living with it

And accepting change.

My grandma used to say that, "the only constant in life is change".  Wow, the older I become the more fully I realize just how wonderfully wise my grandma was.  Makes me miss her all the more, and appreciate those women who were in my life once, and are no more.

Do I appreciate change?  Hell no!  Most of the time, certainly not - but when given the opportunity, the gift of time, to appreciate those changes - then yes, sometimes.  Mostly, even.  But it's bloody uncomfortable until it isn't.  And that my friend, takes time.

Adjust to fit the situation.  In case that sounds familiar to some of you, yes that's yet another one of Ray's common place sayings.  They rattle around in my head all the time.  He was so very wise. Considering horsemanship, the man was a genius.  He possessed a God-given gift; of that I am certain.  But when it comes right down to it, horsemanship mirrors life.  There really isn't much difference at all.  What works for one, works in the other.

So where am I going with this?  I'm never quite sure, but there is this.  Remember I'd mentioned that I was going to try yoga at home, by myself?  Well, I've been working at it and it's hard.  So much harder than I'd first imagined.  And no, I haven't missed the fact that I say this so often, about so many different things.  In my head, my incredible imagination conjures up almost everything with such grace - such ease.  And oh my gosh, how very different in reality these things turn out to be! What is the deal?  For just once in my life I'd like to envision something and have it turn out to be even remotely close to the way I see it in my mind.

But grace is something my Creator did not endow me with.  (physically anyway)   Not much at all.  *sigh*

So, alone in my living room I toil.  I can do some of the postures alright, maybe kind of close, but most of them require strength, balance and flexibility.  Also surprisingly, several of them are not difficult at all, just takes an amazing amount of strength to hold the poses.  I'm sort of enjoying the process.  I'm willing to try and I'm hopeful that with time and perseverance, I will improve.  All I can do is my best, and trying is something I choose to celebrate.

Because I've figured something out.  Even to try takes a measure of courage.  To put yourself out there, risk the chance of failure, possibly even humiliation, takes guts.  And God did give me guts and a healthy dose of tenacity.  I'm not a quitter.  I am way too stubborn to stop without giving it a fight. Who knows?  Maybe I will suck at yoga, that's a very likely scenario.  But I don't care.  I do not seek perfection, nor do I seek glory.  I just want to get better.  I want to become better - at everything I decide to try.

So for now, in the privacy of my home with my dogs quietly watching from their comfy spot on the couch, I do what I can.  I choose not to ridicule myself for what I cannot do, but instead to cheerfully celebrate that I can do some.  I'm trying really hard to be kinder to myself, change my self-talk so that it more closely resembles how I would speak to someone else who's trying something new.  Not sure why that's so hard.

And maybe tomorrow, I'll be a little bit better than I am today.

I recently read that change brings with it, enthusiasm.  After the initial feeling of discomfort and newness wears off, if we embrace the change, we find ourselves feeling empowered, viewing our world through a fresh set of eyes and having renewed energy.  All of those things sound wonderful to me.  Think about how stagnant everything would seem, if nothing ever changed.  Our daily lives were always the same, comfortable, routine and absolutely as we expected it?  Think I'd get quite bored actually.  And boredom to me, is death.  I simply cannot tolerate not knowing what to do with myself. And I'm not speaking about our daily tasks.  We all likely have way more of those than we're capable of keeping up with.  I know that I do anyway.  I'm talking about what makes you feel alive, refreshed, engaged!

Like I said, I've really no idea where I'm going with all of this.  I just know that change seems to be in the air.  And I need to get both mentally and physically more active to stay healthy. I always enjoy the change of seasons, and Fall especially seems like "starting anew" for some reason. Maybe it's that life moves more indoors, shorter daylight hours, colder weather that brings about different types of activities, but it's change that's sometimes difficult to adjust to; at least for me.

For the last several years we've been toying with the idea of moving to a different type climate where there's more choices for outdoor activities year round and less rain, less mud.  Lower cost of living would be wonderful too, because with my hubby being mostly retired, it's getting harder and harder to make ends meet.  But like I mentioned earlier, change is hard.  Change involves risk, taking chances and it's scary for me.  If we found the right place, for the right price, where we could live comfortably and I could work a part time job; I'd move in a New York minute.  We have a few friends here, we have family that we rarely see and to move where we know no one, is worrisome.  But there are good people everywhere.  I'm not afraid of being alone, I already spend a fair amount of time by myself and I'm used to that.  But still...change is not comfortable.  *sigh*

I guess I'm really just sort of thinking aloud here.  Throwing my thoughts around, letting them go wide and far into the universe and seeing what happens.  Sometimes, just the vocalization of our thoughts can make them seem more achievable.  I don't know, but there you have it.  I have faith that where we are supposed to be, is right where we will land.  You just never know...

Today is the first day of Fall.  The dogs and I went walking in the park and the sun was shining brightly, but the grass was cool and moist.  Driving to work this morning, there was fog hanging in the low areas and the morning sun was filtered.  The air seems cleaner somehow.  It feels good! These are the days when dressing in layers is wise, because by the afternoon it's warmed up and still feels like a summer day.  Days that beckon of getting outside, moving around and doing something active. Hiking, horseback riding, bicycling, apple picking...burning that giant pile of tree clippings and old hay we've been storing all summer.  I'm ready to rip out what's left of my less than spectacular veggie garden already.  What a disappointment it was this year!  Barely a ripe tomato, no green peppers, several cucumbers and that's it.  Sure wasn't even worth the watering.  But this summer will be one for the record books for berries.  Berries of all kinds were amazing!  And I just realized that I didn't even bake one single Marion berry pie - oh my!  Well that's just depressing...

At least I accomplished my main goal of this summer.  I'd named it the "Year of Eagle" and by golly, we did it.  We went on a few trail rides, and made lots of progress and that was my main agenda.  I am so very happy about that.  And my chosen word of 2016 was one I've kept both near and dear to my heart...courage.  I've had to dig deep on several occasions, and we're still here.

That'll do.


Kate said...

Lots of stuff (wonderful stuff) in this post - I have to think about it . . .

DJan said...

I've been going to a yoga class twice a week now for nine months. The change in my body is noticeable, and I walk with much more vigor these days. But I also decided I needed an instructor to get the poses correctly. I'm glad I did. And of course I have much more motivation to do them when I attend a class, rather than in my living room. I am impressed by your dedication. Courage is a good word for me, too. :-)

aurora said...

There is profound value in "talking out loud" for ones self & others. Fall finds me thinking a lot as well...and we have unusual endless rain this year. Yoga really helps, as practice shifts with the seasonal conditions. Congrats on starting, humbling isn't it? It's not about busting out moves, or how well you do them. Yoga is a life long self practice, of many things. Be kind to yourself. I know all too well that somedays it's harder then others. You are taking time to learn, feel and do it - kudos to you!! Amazing that your dogs don't join in, mine do, as well as my cat. Their favorite time to "help" me is Downward Facing Dog & Savasana. You accomplished your courageous goal this summer, and a whole lot more.

Karen Ann said...

I use Kate Potter yoga videos ( there is a season 1 and Season 2 you can get on Amazon) that I LOVE - simple, easy to follow, I am not BENDY so they are do-able for me and really help me stay limber. As you know, barn chores stiffen us up over time. Ugh.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Good for you for trying new things. Courage really is your word this year! You've done so well with Eagle and now you're trying something new with Yoga. I'd love to do it too but can't do a lot of the poses because of my knee replacement. I can't kneel on it and it doesn't bend as much as it used to but I'm proud of you for doing it.

C-ingspots said...

Ha DJan! You shouldn't be impressed. Trust me when I say that as far as yoga goes, nothing I'm doing is impressive at all. :) I'd probably die if I saw myself videoed, which could be why a class scenario kinda terrifies me. And, my "practice" is extremely sketchy...and random. I'm SO not dedicated - distracted fits me much better.

Aurora, it would be fun if my dogs joined in. Might give me something to laugh at, other than my lack of "bendy" as Karen Ann calls it. That too, fits me!

Thanks though everyone, for your encouragement.

KA - I'll check those out!

Lori Skoog said...

Yoga is good! Did you ever try Tai Chi? The important thing is, you are staying active. This was a great post!

Yes, that it my outdoor arena. It is 90x200. Everytime I have this guy come to rototil it, it pours and gets flooded. Yesterday was my first chance to get it dragged. At least the weeds are gone.

Our temperature has dropped 10 or 15 degrees since this morning and it's raining. Big changes on the way this week. Thanks for tuning in.

Linda said...

Yoga is good for the soul. Not that I do it, but I can see it is good for everyone else's souls--who do yoga. LOL. They all seem happy and fit. It has to be good for horseback, too, and just overall balance and core strength you need to live. I should get a vide program and join you. The moving thing--and change--can be wonderfully freeing. Not that I move a lot either--but I did move 9.5 years ago, and it was wonderful. New trails to explore--new friends to make--new restaurants--and the people around here were all very welcoming. I have more horse friends than I ever had before. But before we moved, I cried and cried at the thought of leaving my "home" town.