I Shan't be Silent

Wordless Wednesday...for some perhaps, but not for me. Grey seems to be the color of the day, even the color of late...we haven't had much rain, so even though I protest, I shall be grateful. Looking out my window this morning, we have fog and grey again. Even at the height of day, we seem to be scarce of light and the days seem short. I do think I need to look into getting one of those lights to enhance ones' brain activity...one more thing to add to my list.

I have nothing at all to relay, but feel the need to reach out to others by way of this blog; put down my thoughts in hope that life goes on. I feel so isolated! I arise each morning and do the same thing each day...oh God, the drudgery of my existence on this bleak, January day is all but choking me! I want to DO something! I'm so sick of the nothing that I could simply scream!

I'm sorry if I sound depressing to others for that is not my intent, but if I don't portray how I feel, I really might implode or something...uuggghh. Since I have absolutely nothing better to do, and the dogs seem to be as completely bored as me, we'll be heading to the park again at noontime and going for a walk. I will park at the top of the hill since the park is closed to traffic, and walk for everything that I am worth. Quickly and with intent, looking straight ahead we will go, and God willing, I'll feel somewhat more at peace this afternoon, than this morning...this foggy, cold and grey midwinter's morning.

I will try to remember that life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and the responsibility to give something back by becoming more...

God help me...

I think that bears are some of the luckiest creatures on earth, for they simply sleep the winters away.

Remembering what made me smile this past year...

It's my birthday...no big deal, but I decided to post just a few pictures of some of the reasons I had to smile in 2010. This certainly isn't all that I've had to smile about, but some that I'm blessed to remember.

My beach trip last summer with the dogs. Nellie's last time at the beach...I'm so thankful she had so much fun.

A trip to the lake with the dogs...Nellie was just about to step into the water here.

And after taking that step...gotta watch that first step! :)

One of the many spectacular sunsets I can watch from my front porch.

Sorry for the gross picture...but I'm thankful that I can no longer remember Kadie's vulva looking this gruesome. It's gone...totally gone. Another blessing and this still makes me smile.

Completing home improvement projects with the help of loving, wonderful family members. Thank you Steve and Chris!!! We love you guys!!!

Harley. This guy makes me smile every single day.

Babies. This is one of two, new babies we have been blessed with in our family. This adorable girl is Lilly, and she's my great-great niece. I have another great-great niece named Faith, but I don't have any pictures of her yet. They make me smile bigtime.

My 24 year old retired horse, Kadie. Best mountain horse in the world. I didn't realize just how spoiled I'd become by riding such a perfect horse...she makes me smile every single day too. I love this horse!!!

And Ladde - what can I say about the Laddmonster, other than he's perfect. Kadie's one and only baby...and a gift from God. *smile*

This guy and this dog...LOVE them!!!!!!!!!! I kinda think Annie loves daddy too...what do you think?

Nellie...she gave us such joy! The time was short, but it was precious.

St. Annie...the best friend anybody coule ever ask for. Color me blessed.

Friendship always makes me smile...

My little flower garden off the deck. Not only did they make me smile, but they were a constant source of heavenly scent. Nice.

We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year - there's something to smile about! I love my honey!!! We've done it all...for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; for better and for worse...and we continue on till death do us part...**fingers crossed** hoping that's a long time down the road. :)

This is how they'd greet me when I came home. Nellie and Annie...buds.

Our animal friends seem to come and go, sometimes way too soon, in our lives. Princess, the kitty in the background - here one day, gone the next...and Nellie, gone but not forgotten. I smile because they all make my life better.

Pretty "Princess" kitty...I like to think that she's living the high life somewhere enriching someone else's life right now.

Silliness makes me smile. Nellie and Annie.

A beautiful sunrise looking out across the familiar field next door. I will never tire of seeing this gorgeous view.

Looking out on the morning rain...

...I used to feel so uninspired, and when I knew I had to face another day, Lord it made me feel so tired...before the day I met you, life was so unkind, you're the key to my peace of mind...cause you make me feel like a natural woman...

Those are not my words, but words from a dearly beloved song. One of my favorites, and somehow today, on my 51st birthday, they seem even more fitting. I think of my husband and can smile, I think of our dogs and can smile, and I think of our beautiful horses...and smile.

Guess I can't deny the inevitable any longer - I am no longer a "girl"... somedays my insecurities still get the best of me, but only emotionally. Time marches on.

I'm feeling a little bit nostalgic this morning. Maybe because it's my birthday, another milestone, maybe because it's raining...more probably because I've been looking through some old pictures and remembering. Oh memories - they are so emotional for me, in so many ways. No matter how much I try, I'm really not very good at "living in the moment". That is something I regret, for it seems like I have always been that way...not very good at appreciating the simple, but profound joys in my life while they are happening. I am trying to change, but for me, change is not easy. Maybe that's something a lot of people are uncomfortable with.

I think that's one of the many, many reasons I love horses so very much - their ability to live only in the moment. I also believe that any horseman/woman worth their salt is one who's mastered this, at least when they're working with a horse...it's the only way to be. The horse deserves this, nothing less.

And maybe - just maybe, that's why I love being with horses so very much...it's the only time I'm truly in the moment.

Life is worth all the work it can be...

Here's to another year...may it be good. Oh, and God please, pretty please...help me to become wiser and not just another year older?

Back to reality

No beautiful sunrise to report seeing this morning...only grey, bleak skies and more rain. God, how I hate rain. Yesterday was such a glorious gift! A perfectly beautiful, sunshiney day that came (to me anyway) as a complete surprise! It sure helps my psyche to get some sunshine into my brain, if only for a brief respite from the doldroms of winter. In celebration of the sunshine, the dogs and I spent the lunch hour walking in the park. It was a little challenging trying to keep the dogs out of the huge selection of puddles, but we managed. The rivers are swollen to flood capacity and the small wetlands in the center of the park more closely resembles a decent-sized lake, complete with geese...but we stayed on the pavement and had a nice walk. The dogs had fun despite my constant calls to keep them on dry land...aaahh, the joys of lab ownership. :)

Ruby had just had a bath on Sunday afternoon after I let her go hogwild in our pasture. Oh, how I wish I'd had my camera with me!! She was having so much fun racing around the pasture at top speed, through every puddle she could find, up and over the poop pile, chasing circles around the llama...running for the sheer joy of running! But, dear oh dear, what a mess she was afterwards. She was literally dripping mud and water - but her dark eyes sparkled with glee! I laughed with pure delight at the sight of her having so much fun...however could I resist? It sure helped make my job of removing the last of our cross fencing from our pasture in the pouring down rain a little more enjoyable. Annie wasn't having any part of it...she knows exactly what was going to happen to Ruby after her little forray into wild behavior. Funny how Annie loves water and swimming and all of that, but a bath...now that's a whole different story. Annie does not like baths - not one little bit. Go figure.

So, like I said - it's back to the reality of winter in Oregon. The news has been reporting many of the rivers at or above flood capacity, there's landslides in several locations around the area, especially at the beach; many roads look more like rivers than roads and several homes in areas near rivers are either flooded, or have slipped into the raging, swollen rivers and have become junk wood, plus there's a whole neighborhood of families cut off from civilization because their access road's been washed out and the bridge is now history...what fun. I'm certainly thankful that we don't live that close to a river or a creek, but I feel so sorry for those people that are losing everything.

I realize that there is no perfect place, but we're definitely getting more than our share of water in this part of the state this winter. If I hear the word drought from anyone...I simply cannot be responsible for my actions.

Maybe getting a boat might not be such a crazy idea.

Sure hope winter eases up on everybody soon...for all our sakes.

Hang in there everybody...spring's only a couple of months away.

Thankful this day...

... for so many things. Thankful it's Friday. Oh yeah!!! I say that every week. Thankful that tomorrow is Sabbath...I'm ready to enter into rest. Thankful that we have absolutely no plans for this weekend (other than go to church), and that I get to spend some time at home...doing a little cleaning, a little laundry, sleep in and get up when I want to get up, maybe watch a movie of some sort...perhaps get a little creative and cook something special for my hubby, or bake something...who knows, the possibilities are endless. Well, the "inside the house" pursuits are endless anyways...but then again, taking a little walk with the poochies outside in the fresh air sounds delightful as well. I am positively giddy at all the possibilities!!! or...maybe at all the nothingness!!! I'm just giddy!!!


My sweet and most precious baby boy...Harley. Soooooo thankful for him!!
"Mr. Speck - Tac - ular" That's what Brad Cameron calls him...clinician and mule trainer from Montana...tis so true!

Is it suppertime yet? Cuz...we're kinda hungry and wuz just wonderin'... :) And - very, very, very thankful for these two mugs - my hubby's boy, Shad on the left and my big boy, Ladde (aka the grand eating machine) on the right.

Thankful for apple pie - yum! My momma made the best apple pie in the entire world - I'd guarantee that! This may not have been the prettiest apple pie I've ever baked, but it sure was tasty!!!

I'm thankful for sunrises. I'm thankful for our pastures. I'm thankful for snow...even if it is just a light smattering.

I'm thankful that God gave us the apple. Yummy and nutritious in its' own regard, but when peeled, sliced and mixed together with a little butter, a little sugar and some *wink* "secret" concoction of spices, turns into a heavenly divine treat used for making those wonderful apple pies! We went to an apple orchard one day and picked about 80# of apples and this is what I did with some of them...tucked them away in the freezer for quick and easy pie-making later.

I'm thankful for our woodbox. (thank you craigslist!) We keep it just outside the door on the deck for handy dandy access.

I'm ever so thankful for this winters' supply of firewood - oh yes indeedy, am I ever!! We went into the woods and cut and split our own this year. $10.00 at the local forest service office for the permit buys you 2 cords of wood. What a deal!! And...we had fun in the process - can't beat that with a stick!!

Oh yes, can't forget about these beauties!! Nothin' beats a garden fresh tomater, especially if it comes from your very own vegetable garden. This was the last of the season...so pretty.

I am eternally thankful for this guy. God broke the mold when he made this horse. And, I'll never, ever understand how I got picked, out of all the people in the whole, wide world to be this big brute's caretaker...I am truly blessed! My Ladde...

I am thankful to live in this beautiful little valley...I took this shot one afternoon when we were headed home from a woodcutting trip. The area where we went for the wood was about 35-45 minutes drive from home - not so many miles, but slow-going on the narrow and winding mountain roads.

My hubby - "head logger". I am so thankful to spend my life with him. He's almost as stubborn as me. :)

I'm thankful that, among many other things, my momma taught me how to make a "mean" pot of chili...yep, yep, yep - it's that good!

More of them maters... I'm thankful that I found a "killer deal" on my leather couch and matching loveseat at a garage sale...and that I'm a savy enough bargainer to get the seller to throw in this kitchen table for free!! That's right - I'm bad!!

I'm still thankful for this guy...and his ability to use a chainsaw...oh, thankful for the chainsaw too! Sure makes woodcuttin' easier!

Thankful to the United States Forrestry Department for having these tidy decks of logs right next to the road for our woodcutting enjoyment! Hubby calls this "pecker pole" logging! *wink* I, however, have no idea what he means by that...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone...

I'd like to introduce someone...

This is Ruby. She's the newest member of our family. Ruby likes to watch tv...especially Animal Planet and even better, with dad holding her.

This is the first night we brought Ruby home. She was 7 weeks old and a bit opinionated - even then...not that you can tell from that sweet face.

Ruby enjoys chewing on things...lots of things.

I'm pretty sure that God had it planned for puppies and children to look totally adorable when they're sleeping...let's call that a "saving grace".

Ruby enjoys her naps. This is her favorite spot for a little siesta when we're out and about in the truck - at least it used to be...

Don't you think she sort of resembles a baby pig in this picture? I do. And, with her big, round belly and the way she grunts - you could almost mistake her for a baby pig at times. :)

What a sweet, angelic little face...I'm pretty sure that sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth she's sooooo sweet!

First trip to the park. She fussed and whimpered and complained the entire trip. She wanted me to carry her...uh huh, no way little missy, you can walk.

Annie...St. Annie, rather - teaching Ruby the ropes. Or, maybe more appropriately titled...the tall and the short of a matter. I love this picture.

As you can see, Ruby's growing up - and rather quickly it seems. My grandma used to say that little kids and puppies grow when they sleep.

Annie, the perfect dog...love o'my life, and my constant companion. She was pretty sure for a while there, that we had every intention of bringing about her demise when we brought Ruby home. Seriously though, we really should change her name to "St. Annie". She is deserving of that title.

Ruby sharing a wee bit of the sweet cream with daddy...Banana Split, I think. And, in case you're wondering - all our dogs are taught to eat with silverware. It simply wouldn't be fitting any other way!

Soaking up some warmth by the woodstove...

Sweet, innocent little Ruby.

Excuse me? You're sooooo lucky I can't talk!!

Uh oh...what's this??? Maybe there's another side to little, sweet and adorable Ruby after all.

What you talkin' about mom? Yep, yep yep...this is our Ruby...Rotten Ruby!

Well, I never!!! I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about...does it look like it might possibly snow to you?

We love our rotten little Ruby!! And believe you me - she is rotten!!

If Annie could only talk...she could tell you such stories!!! :)