Life in Limbo

Today is January 6, 2010. Amazing! My bright and shiny new calendar states that today is "Epiphany". I understand the definition of the word, or at least I think I do...pretty much; but what does that description have to do with today - this day? So...I looked it up. A divine manifestation. 12 days after Christmas celebrating the 3 wise men visiting the birth of the infant baby Jesus. I have honestly never heard of this "holiday" before. Hmmm, I guess we really do learn new stuff every single day.



So, anyway - it's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog again. Really not sure what's going on with me lately. Time goes by...as the song says, "time waits for no one" and surely not for me. I feel like I'm in a limbo of sorts. I've been feeling discumboobulated (is that a word?) and out of sorts lately. Thanksgiving...gone. Christmas, too has come and gone. New Years is over. Significant dates. But for some reason, they feel insignificant to me this year. Like I said, I feel somehow detached. Almost like I'm outside looking in. I don't expect anyone to understand because I certainly don't understand my feelings myself. *sigh* So strange. Please forgive my ramblings, but after all, this is my blog and I started this thing as a journal of the happenings in my life. A way of keeping track. So, I'm going to go over things and just put my thoughts and happenings of late into words.



Thanksgiving for my hubby and me was spent at my sister's house with the family. Oh fun. We cooked, we ate, I guess there was more, but nothing worth talking about. I have said for several years now that I have wanted something different for the holidays, not sure what, but different for sure. But, as usual we had dinner at my sister's with my side of the family. It was the usual. We arrived and the first thing we knocked on the door because it was locked. My brother-in-law answered the door with "don't you know this door is always locked?", then he hastily retreated to his chair in front of the computer where he was playing online poker. Aah, no I replied...wondering how else we were expected to get in...anyway, we proceded into the kitchen where we deposited our dishes. My sis was nowhere in sight...upstairs showering we were told. So, I visited with my niece for a while and my hubby sat in front of the television. The day unfolded, dinner was eaten and things deteriorated from there. An altercation between a great-nephew and his sister ensued, angry words were spoken and we went home. There were no words spoken of being thankful, no blessings mentioned and my thoughts about not spending Christmas here were cemented in my mind. My hubby and I went home where we spent the remainder of the evening in the barn doing the chores and being with our horses and our dogs. This was without a doubt, the best part of the whole day.



Life went on and before I knew it, another month had passed. I got off work a little early on Christmas Eve day. My boss gave me $300 for a bonus which was a really nice surprise since this past year had been so unusually slow and profits were down. I surely didn't expect anything, but was very thankful. I spent the afternoon wrapping the few gifts I'd bought for family members and delivered them to my sister's house. My niece Shelley was the only one home. We had a nice little visit, wished each other well and I headed for home. Christmas eve my hubby and I stayed home for the first time in many years. It was peaceful and quiet. Too quiet. We spent time in the barn with the horses, did the chores and had a simple, but delicious dinner of cheesey broccoli soup, homemade rolls and ham. Our son Justin and his family have recently moved to Idaho. They invited us to spend Christmas with them in their new house, which we would have enjoyed, but driving was really out of the question with the winter weather and the bald tires on our car. We considered taking the train, which seemed like a romantic adventure, but the nearest depot to their home was nearly 200 miles away. We were disappointed, but decided to make the best of it and enjoy the time relaxing at home. We enjoyed the day, but it surely felt unusual just being at home by ourselves. With both sets of our parents gone, it just didn't feel like a normal holiday. Too much quiet time alone leaves me feeling reflective, nostalgic and longing for days gone by, and definitely missing my mom and dad. I'm sure my hubby was having similar feelings, but he kept his thoughts to himself.



New Year's Eve we again, stayed at home. I worked all day and went home and spent the evening in the barn with the horses. It was nice, but unusually quiet. Again...too much alone time fosters thoughts that I'd just rather let stay below the surface. Gee, I sound so cheerful...

Anyway, fast forward to the present. We have just been going through the motions of everyday life. There's nothing really new or significant to report, which depending on ones' perspective, can be a very good thing. My hubby and I continue to go to work each day (of course, being thankful we have jobs to report to), come home to do chores in the barn each evening, a quick supper usually in front of the woodstove or television, and then off to bed...just to repeat again the following day. We are both healthy, again very thankful for this. My hubby is recovering from a very nasty cold bug which lasted for a couple of weeks, my back is on the mend (very, very thankful for this) which means that I can now begin shouldering more my portion of responsibilities where the horses are concerned and we are managing to keep our bills paid and food on the table. Hopefully, a friend and I will soon begin riding our horses at least once, possibly twice a week in a nearby indoor riding arena. That would undoubtedly bolster my spirits and generally improve my outlook on life immensely. It sure would do the horses some good too, for they surely must grow weary of being stall potatoes (or pasture pets) every single day with nothing to give them physical or mental stimulation.

We are thankful each and every day for our new woodstove. It does a dandy job of keeping our little home cozy and warm. Love it!! The only news in our winter-weary lives is that we have added two new dogs to our menagerie. Yes, we have 3 dogs total now! We're probably lacking good, common sense in this department, but whatever...they bring us joy. We've adopted Nellie, the black lab puppy from the local animal shelter and Jasper who's a 4-year old Golden Retriever that we adopted from Golden Bond Rescue of Oregon. We still have a slight question of whether Jasper is a keeper because he is completely naive around livestock which is proving to be a major pain, but we'll continue to work with him daily in this regard. Otherwise, he is a wonderful dog. I promise to post pictures of all the dogs very soon. As in every other area of my life as of late, I am remisc in my picture taking as well.

My head is swimming with possibilities for wintertime projects inside our house, but for some reason I can't even muster the energy to keep my housecleaning up to date, let alone some grand project. Hopefully, I will get the rest that my body and mind are obviously in need of and soon I'll be back on my game. I sure hope this is the case because I am seriously tired of feeling tired. My mom used to call this the winter doldrums or a case of the blues, although I don't feel the depression that so many winters have brought. Not really sure what I'm feeling, but I can freely admit that I don't like it...not one little bit. Out of sorts, in limbo, not in my game - whatever you call it - it's a drag.

Hope all my friends, readers, fellow bloggers are doing well. May we all prosper and feel blessed in this, the year of our Lord...2010 - or as the tweens are calling it - 20X - much more cool.

Cingspots over and out