Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Life in Limbo

Today is January 6, 2010. Amazing! My bright and shiny new calendar states that today is "Epiphany". I understand the definition of the word, or at least I think I do...pretty much; but what does that description have to do with today - this day? So...I looked it up. A divine manifestation. 12 days after Christmas celebrating the 3 wise men visiting the birth of the infant baby Jesus. I have honestly never heard of this "holiday" before. Hmmm, I guess we really do learn new stuff every single day.

So, anyway - it's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog again. Really not sure what's going on with me lately. Time goes the song says, "time waits for no one" and surely not for me. I feel like I'm in a limbo of sorts. I've been feeling discumboobulated (is that a word?) and out of sorts lately. Thanksgiving...gone. Christmas, too has come and gone. New Years is over. Significant dates. But for some reason, they feel insignificant to me this year. Like I said, I feel somehow detached. Almost like I'm outside looking in. I don't expect anyone to understand because I certainly don't understand my feelings myself. *sigh* So strange. Please forgive my ramblings, but after all, this is my blog and I started this thing as a journal of the happenings in my life. A way of keeping track. So, I'm going to go over things and just put my thoughts and happenings of late into words.

Thanksgiving for my hubby and me was spent at my sister's house with the family. Oh fun. We cooked, we ate, I guess there was more, but nothing worth talking about. I have said for several years now that I have wanted something different for the holidays, not sure what, but different for sure. But, as usual we had dinner at my sister's with my side of the family. It was the usual. We arrived and the first thing we knocked on the door because it was locked. My brother-in-law answered the door with "don't you know this door is always locked?", then he hastily retreated to his chair in front of the computer where he was playing online poker. Aah, no I replied...wondering how else we were expected to get in...anyway, we proceded into the kitchen where we deposited our dishes. My sis was nowhere in sight...upstairs showering we were told. So, I visited with my niece for a while and my hubby sat in front of the television. The day unfolded, dinner was eaten and things deteriorated from there. An altercation between a great-nephew and his sister ensued, angry words were spoken and we went home. There were no words spoken of being thankful, no blessings mentioned and my thoughts about not spending Christmas here were cemented in my mind. My hubby and I went home where we spent the remainder of the evening in the barn doing the chores and being with our horses and our dogs. This was without a doubt, the best part of the whole day.

Life went on and before I knew it, another month had passed. I got off work a little early on Christmas Eve day. My boss gave me $300 for a bonus which was a really nice surprise since this past year had been so unusually slow and profits were down. I surely didn't expect anything, but was very thankful. I spent the afternoon wrapping the few gifts I'd bought for family members and delivered them to my sister's house. My niece Shelley was the only one home. We had a nice little visit, wished each other well and I headed for home. Christmas eve my hubby and I stayed home for the first time in many years. It was peaceful and quiet. Too quiet. We spent time in the barn with the horses, did the chores and had a simple, but delicious dinner of cheesey broccoli soup, homemade rolls and ham. Our son Justin and his family have recently moved to Idaho. They invited us to spend Christmas with them in their new house, which we would have enjoyed, but driving was really out of the question with the winter weather and the bald tires on our car. We considered taking the train, which seemed like a romantic adventure, but the nearest depot to their home was nearly 200 miles away. We were disappointed, but decided to make the best of it and enjoy the time relaxing at home. We enjoyed the day, but it surely felt unusual just being at home by ourselves. With both sets of our parents gone, it just didn't feel like a normal holiday. Too much quiet time alone leaves me feeling reflective, nostalgic and longing for days gone by, and definitely missing my mom and dad. I'm sure my hubby was having similar feelings, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

New Year's Eve we again, stayed at home. I worked all day and went home and spent the evening in the barn with the horses. It was nice, but unusually quiet. Again...too much alone time fosters thoughts that I'd just rather let stay below the surface. Gee, I sound so cheerful...

Anyway, fast forward to the present. We have just been going through the motions of everyday life. There's nothing really new or significant to report, which depending on ones' perspective, can be a very good thing. My hubby and I continue to go to work each day (of course, being thankful we have jobs to report to), come home to do chores in the barn each evening, a quick supper usually in front of the woodstove or television, and then off to bed...just to repeat again the following day. We are both healthy, again very thankful for this. My hubby is recovering from a very nasty cold bug which lasted for a couple of weeks, my back is on the mend (very, very thankful for this) which means that I can now begin shouldering more my portion of responsibilities where the horses are concerned and we are managing to keep our bills paid and food on the table. Hopefully, a friend and I will soon begin riding our horses at least once, possibly twice a week in a nearby indoor riding arena. That would undoubtedly bolster my spirits and generally improve my outlook on life immensely. It sure would do the horses some good too, for they surely must grow weary of being stall potatoes (or pasture pets) every single day with nothing to give them physical or mental stimulation.

We are thankful each and every day for our new woodstove. It does a dandy job of keeping our little home cozy and warm. Love it!! The only news in our winter-weary lives is that we have added two new dogs to our menagerie. Yes, we have 3 dogs total now! We're probably lacking good, common sense in this department, but whatever...they bring us joy. We've adopted Nellie, the black lab puppy from the local animal shelter and Jasper who's a 4-year old Golden Retriever that we adopted from Golden Bond Rescue of Oregon. We still have a slight question of whether Jasper is a keeper because he is completely naive around livestock which is proving to be a major pain, but we'll continue to work with him daily in this regard. Otherwise, he is a wonderful dog. I promise to post pictures of all the dogs very soon. As in every other area of my life as of late, I am remisc in my picture taking as well.

My head is swimming with possibilities for wintertime projects inside our house, but for some reason I can't even muster the energy to keep my housecleaning up to date, let alone some grand project. Hopefully, I will get the rest that my body and mind are obviously in need of and soon I'll be back on my game. I sure hope this is the case because I am seriously tired of feeling tired. My mom used to call this the winter doldrums or a case of the blues, although I don't feel the depression that so many winters have brought. Not really sure what I'm feeling, but I can freely admit that I don't like it...not one little bit. Out of sorts, in limbo, not in my game - whatever you call it - it's a drag.

Hope all my friends, readers, fellow bloggers are doing well. May we all prosper and feel blessed in this, the year of our Lord...2010 - or as the tweens are calling it - 20X - much more cool.

Cingspots over and out


Reddunappy said...

Sounds like winter doldrums to me.
As for the holidays sometimes family does not appreciate what they have, people dont talk anymore, and it seems they are caught up in their own little problems. I dreaded Thanksgiving, ended up Hubby and I spent it alone and had a great meal, a little wierd being alone, but...then I dreaded Christmas Eve with my family mostly because my folks and I havnt been talking because of my sister, and my sister was there too ((sigh))(I dont get along with my sister, long story) but it went ok and we survived LOL Christmas day was wonderful, we got up and opened presents and then went for a drive to our daughters boyfriends moms, about 45 min away, had a great meal, she spoiled us and gave us lots of gifts! It was a great day, something different and we ended Christmas on a positive note. New Years we spent with daughter and boyfriend again and another couple that we called around 7pm to see what they were up to, they ended up coming over, I bet they would have spent New Years home with their two young kids if we hadnt of called, it was good to see them.
Yeah the holidays were really different for us this year, but all in all ended up good.
I hope also that 2010 is a better year and everyone has a good one.
The thing I want to do more this year is ride my horse too, now that I am home disabled, I need to do that! I swear I spend all my time doing stalls and feeding and I only have 3 LOL

Leah Fry said...

I can't tell you how many people (including Mr. Fry and me) are experiencing the exact same thing. Not that it makes you feel any better, but you have lots of company.
My motto for 2010 is Zen in '10, so I'm trying really hard to fight the funk.

Hang in there -- it's GOT to get better!

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

I couldn't even get the tree decorated this year! Got it out. Got out all the decorations and then a big, fat nothing...

I'm tired of all the snow, tired of the cold and wished it was horse season again.

It seems to get a little worse every year, this feeling that winter lasts f.o.r.e.v.e.r!!

Glad to see you posting though. Missed ya.:)

fernvalley01 said...

Sounds like your mom was right on, the winter doldrums, or blhs as I call them , not depressed ,just not impressed.Come on up to Narnia here , it will still be cold and crappy ,but we could sit ,have a spiked hot chocolate and talk ponies ,and the loves of our lives (ponies)
Hang in there love , you will do what you do , and if there is no project whatever . The holidays sounded well, the part with just you and your hubby sounded nice , family can be a huge support ,or a nessary evil . Love ya Lori, sending huge hugs , and the race for the first pussy willows is ON!

Lea and her Mustangs said...

I think its an epedemic. I have fallen on the ice, tried to clean stalls with it frozen, waded in water almost to the top of my boots and blah blah blah. Try to keep myself occupied but I want to ride too. My kitchen is waiting for paint, I got some things to make some gift boxes, still are on the table. See, I know that won't make things better but like I said its an epedemic. My best wishes to you. Glad youre a blogger friend. Love, Lea

Melanie said...

I can totally relate to the whole family-and-the-holidays-thingy, as my extended family tends to be rather dysfunctional....

As for the strange mood, I can unfortunately relate to that too. I am pulling myself out of it, but it has been hard. After I gained about five pounds, I decided that enough was enough, and that I had to snap out of it.

Play with that puppy, ride those horses, enjoy that woodstove, and feel better, okay??? :)

Gail said...

You are not alone! I am home today and am not dressed yet! I shall sluff around in robe and house shoes until I am required to go out and then will only add coat and boots.

You are down but even then you are not selfish. You have given two thrown away animals a second chance. For that you are an angel.

Thank you and spring will come, just hold on.

LuLo Designs/Blue Eyed Tango said...

Yup, we're all feeling the same thing....whatever it is.... but I'm hopeful that these next two months will fly by. I've got a couple of projects inside (painting the leaking roof spots that they said were fixed for the 10th time....going on five years now). The other project....sorting horse hair! Yes I collect it (tail hairs) that are falling off in their stalls that I find and make braided bracelets and hatbands. Keep warm and lets pray spring comes early this year!

Kate said...

It's that time of year! And it's your blog, so you get to write what you want - and I actually appreciate having people honestly express their feelings on their blogs - I think sometimes I'm inclined to want to "make nice" on my blog rather than admit if I'm feeling down or out of sorts.

But maybe it's time to make some changes at the various holidays. I made an attempt to change something this year - Chinese restaurants are almost always open on Christmas day, and I wanted to go to our nearby very good one for lunch, and then have our own Christmas dinner that evening. My husband and one daughter were good to go - but the other daughter had a huge fit because it wasn't "traditional" - so we didn't go after all. That was the point - it was new and different and potentially fun! I already warned everyone that we're doing it next year.

Hope the blahs pass soon - spend as much time as you're able to outside and that may help.

C-ingspots said...

Thanks everybody SO MUCH!!! I can't express how very much your comments mean to me. They do help...I no longer feel so out of touch or alone. Wish we could all gather round a campfire or someone's kitchen table and have a good old'd be a blast!! God Bless you all!!

Grey Horse Matters said...

I can relate to what you're feeling too. I didn't even do my usual decorating this year, just a few things and I put up a small tree instead of the big one. Maybe there's something in the air. Or maybe we're all not getting enough sunshine. We should all be sitting under those light lamps that make people feel better. I've got so many things to get done and no energy to do them.

I think we could all use a vacation in a sunny place and if that isn't possible, change up some things around home.

I'm thinking of getting some plants (real ones) and see how long I can keep them alive. I've started planning some gardens for spring too, it's only about 2 months from now. Another way to beat the doldrums might be to read when you get the chance. A book can take you away for a while, I read a lot at night. TV is boring this time of year.

I'm sure you'll perk up as soon as you can ride too!

Dunappy said...

Well welcome to the club. Ive also been a grumpy gus lately. I really hate winter. Especially now that I work indoors instead of out side. Part of the problem is called Seasonal affective disorder ( AKA SAD) and it is the result of not getting enough hours of Natural light. So I have lights in the house that are supposed to help. Some times they do and some times they don't. I can't wait for all this snow to go away. And I'm totally excited that it might actually be above freezing today!

Lisa said...

I can actually understand what you mean when you say you feel detached. I often feel like that, as though I am sleeping or something and watching what is happening rather than participating in it.

This holiday season has been the worst ~ I lost one of my dogs Christmas Eve & one of my horses the day after Christmas so it has been one giant heartache and I am so looking forward to better days.

I hope you start feeling more like yourself and find a project or something of interest to help pass through the next few months of winter. Then before we know it spring will once again Bless us and at least our bodies will be warmed. Take care and happy 2010.

manker said...

definitely a "G-dincidence" i visited you today... i too could use an ephiphany of spirit...

G-d is good

Maery Rose said...

It's raining here and turning to ice on the ground so I'm playing blog catch up. The holidays were tough for me but for different reasons. It could just be winter doldrums but have you ever had your thyroid checked? Hypothyroidism can cause the feelings you describe.

日月神教-向左使 said...