Our weather and I are both quite melancholy. Yesterday and today has dawned grey and overcast, with some sun breaks in the afternoon yesterday. Very comfortable, do whatever you want kind of weather. I'm enjoying this for a change. I even left the fly masks off the horses for the first time in months. I'll probably regret it, but was feeling a tad lazy this morning and was running a bit behind schedule and still had to get gas in the car before heading to work. My boss has been on vacation this week and it's been boring and slow. Sure wish we could have closed the clinic during his absence, because my time most certainly could have been put to better use at home. Oh well, I'm resigned to doing what I can, when I can.
When I got home from work last night, the horses were all crammed like sardines into the one outside shelter...gasp!!! I'm thankful that my hubby discovered this and not me. I've been worried sick about Harley lately and this would have scared the bejeebers out of me. However, after a thorough body check of everyone, the only casualty of war that I could find was under Harley's mask, just below his right eye...a 1-1/2" long jagged cut that was most likely the cause of him bashing his head into something. A half of an inch higher and it would have been a direct hit on his eye. How many blows can his eyes take before something extreme happens??? Theoretical question - I do not want to find out the answer to this one...
I'm just thankful (again) that it wasn't more serious than it was. Besides Harley being slightly jumpy, everyone seemed calm and relaxed; including Eagle, who was pleased as punch to be in the thick of everyone.
Me - I'm an overly emotional wreck. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. I'm as cranky as hell. I'll bite off anyone's head for a sideways glance. I'm happy one minute and feeling gloomy the next...someone just shoot me. I can't stand being with me - how in the world can anybody else put up with my moodiness??? Maybe part of my problems are caused by my age, 51 and menopausal...sucks. No hot flashes and most of the time, no problems sleeping, but the moodiness and sometimes outright aggression that I experience is seriously a problem. I deserve a good, hard slap - but I'd probably pounce on the poor offender like a she-cat protecting her litter. That's how I feel...like Clint Eastwood...make my day; just gimme a good (or otherwise) reason and I'll explode. I need drugs...or a vacation...or maybe just more time spent getting physical exercise outside wouldn't hurt. The fact that I feel like a caged animal here at work sure doesn't help matters any, if I were busy, at least I'd be occupied. Maybe I need to get laid? Any advice? Is there anybody out there who feels like I feel??? And if so...what do you do not to commit harikari??
Blah blah blah...I'm sorry to sound so pessimistic, but hell...I've just gotta put my thoughts down somewhere or I'll surely bust. I'm missing my mom and my dad. Take my advice, if yours are still alive - enjoy them, even if they annoy you, or call at precisely the wrong time, whatever...you will miss them once they're gone - I can guarantee it. My sister never, ever calls me. If she does, it's for a very specific reason; and that's somehow worse than if she didn't call at all. I should be totally honest here, she probably calls me once or twice a year (maybe), my other sister hasn't spoken to me since before my mom's funeral...and family, well ever since my mom died, it's like we don't even exist. That hurts because I've always loved and cared for my aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and so on, but...they likewise don't call, with the exception of Shelley, my niece who's closest in age to me. We speak semi-monthly ish, sometimes a little more. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I experience loneliness, feelings of isolation and moderate depression at times. Most of the times, I'm pretty good at keeping myself and my mind otherwise busy, which keeps these nasty, dark thoughts/feelings at bay. I am so thankful for my husband and my horses and dogs...without them, I would shrivel up and waste away, no doubt. People need people, we're definitely wired to be socially interactive creatures. We're happier when we're actively social; at least I think so. I am.
God, I sound so pathetic. So, I apologize to anyone or everyone who reads this blog and gets depressed. But, the original purpose of this blog was to use it as a journal, a way to chronicle our lives and a way to be able to look back at times and reminisce about events that I otherwise probably wouldn't remember. And, writing is therapeutic for me, it definitely helps me on days like these to put my thoughts down in written form...get my feelings out, and all that. It really does help. So, again hopefully I don't bum anybody else out, I'd hate for that to happen, and it's also not my intention to have people feel sorry for me. I hate that too. I do have many, many, many blessings in my life, and I (usually) daily try to actively count those blessings and give thanks to my Father for them...for life could sure as heck be a whole lot worse. I realize that and am very, very thankful for my life. Because, overall it is a wonderful life...it's mine, and I'm doing my best. Some days are just easier than other days.
See, I feel a little bit better already. I took a break at lunch time and went to Walmart (oh joy) and picked up some supplies that we needed at the clinic. The adorable little UPS driver just popped in and delivered some more supplies and chatted with me for a bit. So, I have freight to unload and put away, a few phone messages to reply to and autoclaving to be done...off to work I go.
Hope all of you are making the most of these final dog daze of summer. Autumn begins on September 23, which is just a little over a week away. There'll be frost on the pumpkin before we know it, chimney smoke wafting on the evening breeze and more time spent indoors when the darkness comes all too quickly. *sigh* Fall is my favorite time of the year, but I'm always a little bit saddened by the thought of another summer slipping away...hope we all have a little more time to enjoy the warmth of summer sunshine and friends or family or somebody, to make a few memories that will fill our dreams on cold, winters' nights.
Bye for now all,