Have you ever thought about what makes you really happy? I mean; really happy?...deep down inside, the kind of quiet happiness that brings on that sensation of inner peace and contentment? The kind that makes you smile and sigh. The kind of peace that settles in your bones, and you just know in your heart that everything - no matter what happens - things are gonna be okay. Well, I have. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, what a wonderful feeling! And, being the weepy sort that I am, it just makes me cry. Tears of joy! My favorite emotion...
A few weeks ago now, my Saturday morning began in a bad way. I had slept in and had just wandered into the kitchen all sleepy-eyed and looking for a cup of coffee. My hubby, the eternally early riser, was chomping at the bit. And out of his mouth, all in a cranky rush, came the complaint that our pastures were in bad shape, the fences were a mess and we needed to rush right down to the local rental place and get a tractor so he could work today on our ever-growing manure pile. Huh? Doesn't he realize my brain isn't functioning clearly yet? And that it's not just Saturday morning, but it's Sabbath? The only day set aside out of the seven for rest? So...my hastily spoken, but not thoroughly thought through comment was something like...we don't have the money for renting a tractor. Apparently, the wrong thing to say. So, without going into the gory details, an argument ensued and hubby leaves the house in a huff and I'm left scratching my head and wondering what the heck just happened? Ever been in that predicament? Well, I'm there more often that I care to remember. I have this nasty little habit of opening my mouth and saying whatever comes to mind without ever pausing for a thought and then carefully choosing my words. One of my many flaws.
Anyway...suffice it to say that our day was spent in totally different ways. My hubby retreated to the barn to work off his anger and frustrations, and I opted to stay inside and relax. Sometimes space is a very good thing. I found myself sitting in my rocking chair in front of the woodstove, basking in not only the heat from the fire, but the warmth from the sunshine streaming in through the sliding glass door of our little kitchen nook. My favorite spot. While enjoying a hot cup of coffee and mulling over random thoughts, I decided to pray. I don't know how other people pray, but I just talk to God; usually not out loud, but in my mind I talk to a very dear friend, my Father...surely someone who loves me and knows me better than I know myself and most importantly, someone who understands me. Essentially, I was pouring out my heart, a fervent prayer for help, for compassion, for understanding and forgiveness. Feeling much more at peace, I realized just how much I have to be thankful for, and how I need to stop worrying so much about all the people I love so much. No matter what happens, God is in charge...I'm not. I have to learn to be at peace with myself and whatever surroundings I may be in at any given moment in time. Things will work out however they are supposed to, right or wrong, and without any intervention from me. I can pray for the people that I love and leave the rest. However, if I learn to control my tongue, I just might be able to change what I need to pray about...at least some of the time. Anybody feel like saying "Amen" right about now?
Having relieved myself of much angst and frustration, I resumed to sittin' and rockin' and contemplating the world...in short, I was "spacing out" and enjoying some much needed mental and physical rest. I decided to read for a little while and wanted to check out a few verses in the book of Revelations in my bible. I'd been listening to a sermon a few days before and wanted to have another look at something this pastor had been talking about. Believe it or not, I couldn't find the book of Revelation. I know, seriously, most of us know that this is the very last and final book of the Bible. Should be a piece of cake, right? One would think. Anyway, maybe it was mental fatigue, maybe it was old age and I was having a brain fart or something...I was totally flabberghasted and was seriously starting to wonder at my mental faculties...but all of a sudden, I had a thought pop into my head. Hebrews 4 and 5. Huh? Where the heck is Hebrews anyway? Divine intervention? Don't be silly, I chided myself...be careful what you pray for...for surely He does listen...for when I finally found the book of Hebrews and read chapters 4 and 5, I was in awe. At the perfect moment in time, I had the perfect message from God. An answer to my prayer? Without a doubt. I was so thankful, and so very truly humbled and so very reassured and comforted. I felt blessed. I felt loved. I felt understood and completely and fully at peace. At that perfect moment in time, I knew within my soul that God was then, and will always be, with me. Everything is as it should be and I felt the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders.
Prayers are heard, and many times our prayers are answered, but usually not when we think they ought to be, or how we think they should be. But on this perfect and beautiful sunshiney Sabbath morning there in my rocking chair...my fervent prayer was heard and answered almost immediately. I was so blessed and I wish I could keep that moment tucked away in my heart always, and be able to pull it out and admire it and remember it as freshly as if it just happened...for surely it was a gift to me from my Father in heaven and I want to cherish it always...lest I might forget. All this seems so very precious and highly personal, but I hope that maybe by reading my words you might be reassured and blessed as well. God is real and He does hear our prayers and our cries for help and He does surely love us.
Since that morning I've reread those chapters in Hebrews several times, and they remain beautiful, but for whatever reason on that day they were the perfect words for my heart. I don't understand why certain passages at certain times have such deep and profound meaning, and at other times they're seemingly less special...but there's so many things that I don't understand, and that's alright. I don't need to understand everything.
So in closing, I just want to say that I'm very thankful for the simple pleasures in life. A beautiful Sabbath morning, glorious sunshine, my rocking chair and our wonderful woodstove, my wonderful and highly entertaining menagerie of animals, my sometimes irritating husband who I love dearly and a good cup of coffee...with french vanilla creamer, of course.
:) Blessings everyone...
oh, and chocolate.