Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Wow - I still have a hard time believing that it's actually summertime. It seems like I live my whole life in anticipation of summer and all the wonderful, wistful memories that it conjures up for me. Sometimes I think I spend way too much time in my head. I'm always daydreaming of all the lovely things I want to do, you know, when the sun comes out and the days are long and lazy and carefree. The trouble is they never seem to be long enough, and definitely never carefree.

I would love to spend a summer in a remote little town, maybe somewhere near the ocean, in a quaint little cottage where there are no schedules, no deadlines and no people. Well, some people would be nice, but definitely no crowds. I'd definitely take my dog, and would love to have my horse, but otherwise just me and some good books, good music, chilled wine and endless hours of nothing but time. Time to rest and rejuvinate; body, mind and spirit. Time to explore the possibilities. I cannot remember a day when I've awakened and had nothing but time ahead of me. Time to do whatever comes to mind. To be able to wile a whole day away if that's how I felt. The pure, unadulterated luxury of having time to oneself must be an awesome blessing. And, not to experience the guilt that always accompanies idle time. My mom instilled the very subconscious thought that one must always be doing something. Otherwise, that time was somehow wasted and was of no use. I wholeheartedly disagree. But alas, the seed was planted a long time ago and if I do take time for myself and do nothing if that's what I choose; I always feel guilty. I feel lazy and useless. Sure wish I could get past that, but I don't begin to know how. It's ingrained in the very marrow of my being to accomplish, to hurry and to do. At any cost. I am a human doing, not a human being. And...I am so jealous of people who have what I conceive to be more personal time than what I have. Silly, I know...but true nonetheless.

My hubby and I took our two horses and went riding last weekend. We camped in the Coast Range mountains for 2 nights and rode both days. The horses were very good. No competitiveness and no spooking. They were quiet and relaxed. My horse felt solid and true beneath me. It felt good. I'm not nearly as fearless of a rider as I once was, but I still love time spent on my horse. We even got to watch a fireworks display up there in the mountains. Apparently, a group of people across the river from us were having a celebration. They brought all kinds of amazing fireworks and even had a water tanker on standby - just in case. Even the horses seemed to enjoy the fireworks display. Annie, not so much. She went into the horsetrailer and got up on our bed. You know, where it was a little safer - and quieter. The days were long and very, very hot, but even so, the time seemed to slip by ever so quickly.

My tomatoes are growing really well. In fact, they may be conspiring to take over the world. The berries are all doing equally well. My horses do create good gardening soil. Must give credit where credit is due. I won't get many berries this year, probably not a lot next summer either, but I'm told by year three - I should have bunches of the sweet, juicy lovelies. Yum!! Here's another summertime memory - my mom's homemade boysenberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream. Oh my!! Words just cannot describe how utterly delicious my mom's pies were!! Even her cobblers were really just extra large, deep dish pies. With all that homemade, flakey crust that she whipped up without using a single measuring device...we would have promised the world to get her to make one. They were simply to die for!! I make my piecrust just like my momma did, but they still don't taste nearly as good as hers did. Never will.

I miss those summer evenings where we used to just sit out on the porch sipping a cool drink and talking and laughing. Time spent with family and friends are good times. It just seems like everyone is so busy with their own lives now to get together and just spend time. I guess it's so very true what my grandma used to say..."good or bad, nothing stays the same". That's both a blessing and a curse. I guess it just means that we need to enjoy life no matter what. Things just are the way they are, and the key to being happy and content is just to live in the moment. Squeeze every little drop out of life that we can, make a conscious decision to be happy. I do believe that happiness is a decision. We can and need to make the most out of the life, the circumstances that we find ourselves in at any given moment. For, in the blink of an eye - everything can change.

I haven't talked to my sister for maybe a month now. I've tried to call her numerous times, but she never answers her phone. And, she rarely calls me. She does, however send me countless e-mail messages that are forwards. You know, those endless jokes and religious messages meant to inspire that good feeling deep inside. Not that I have anything against those. I enjoy them sometimes, and then sometimes they make me emotional. But, if she has the time to do that, why can't she ever just take a minute to call me and talk to me? Or, even for that matter, send me a little personal note via e-mail? It doesn't have to be a book. Could be just a one-liner saying hello or asking what's up? She also disagrees with me politically. I couldn't possibly care less what she thinks about politics. But, I don't appreciate getting spam e-mails about how rotten our president is. Or, how much damage he has done, or will do to our economy and our healthcare system and the price of underwear. Hell, if you believe all that they say in those stupid propaganda political things floating around out there in e-mail land - it's O'Bama's fault for the declining moral fiber of society...and he's a Nazi too. Good grief!! I've politely requested time after time after time that she please stop sending me those kinds of messages. I don't like them, and I think they do nothing but stir up hate and feelings of discontent. Basically, you become a part of the problem rather than part of the solution. So...yesterday I receive another onslaught of forwards from dear old sis, and one in particular sent me over the edge. I responded with a big old message of my own pointing out everything in particular that I didn't appreciate about "said" message and asked her for the umpteenth time to please just stop!!! Now, she's mad at me. Oh well, guess she won't be calling me anytime soon. *sigh*

I need a vacation.

Remember what Carly Simon said..."these are the good old days".

Hoping we can all make the most of 'em...



Pony Girl said...

Great post, I think I agree with you on about everything you said in here!! We are a lot alike in many ways on how we view the world!! :)
My summer is going so fast. I'm now teaching a few weeks of summer camp, then I'll be "free" again until mid-August.
Glad you had a fun trail ride and 4th of July celebration!

Reddunappy said...

I have nothing but time now that I am disabled, it not all that its cracked up to be LOL I get bored, I cant physicaly do what I used to. But like you said I spend time appreciating what I do have!

I also have a sister that I dont get along with. I recently drew the line and didnt let her come to my daughters graduation. Now my mom is mad at me too (((sigh))) Its a long long story about my sister. Mom, I dont know, she enables what my sister does, so she thinks I am a snob now (((sigh again))) eventually things will cool down again. I will just have to wait.

fernvalley01 said...

Laurie , you know the old saying "can't choose your family" My sister and I have gone through several tough spots , and while I find she takes advantage of me( I let it happen) we are OK now . Too bad your sister is not able to just agree to disagree with you, and move on , maybe in time . I hear you on the not enough time thing , I was sick last week so was home and getting NOthing done ! though I might go bananas!

Lea and her Mustangs said...

Hello, My sister and I are oposite ends of the spectrum on just about everything but we are all we have (besides our husband and kids)so we just don't talk about what we disagree on. She does not sent me political or religious e mails nor I her. We love horses, our grandkids, photography ect and thats what we talk about. I am blessed I know. Am glad you got to go on a 4th of July ride. Our rides this year have been very few and far between. You and I are much alike emotionally. Sometimes its tough to be me.

Maria said...

We think a lot alike.
Just to let you know a cottage at the beach with NO people in the summer - good luck on that one, it takes forever to pick up one thing at the grocery store right now, have to really time my trips.
I love hearing about your riding trips, my husband has done that but I never have hmmmm maybe one day. My App. hasn't even been in a trailer since he was 1 & came to my house he's now 14. I ride from home but not near enough, I'm a little envious of your just go do it, I let other things get in the way.
BTW if you haven't seen I tagged you in case you want to play.

gtyyup said...

I'm sorry, but I'm laughing about your sis...I have one that is the same way with the onslaught of FWD messages. My brother got fed up one day and sent her an email telling her how un-American she was and that the country needed to stick together to accomplish anything good. She quit sending them...thank God! Everyone has a right to believe what they believe, but don't cram your crap down my throat!

Your mom and my mom are probably having a pie making contest right now in heaven! My mom's were the best too and I can't duplicate it...even using her recipe...sigh. Do you ever get the feeling that you should call your mom? I do. Mom's been gone 6 years now, and once in a while I think I should call her...go figure.

So, info on wild horses. You mean when they gather from the Big Summit herd you want to know about them? Here's my email: gtyyup at wildblue dot net. Shoot me an email!

Gail said...

Great posts with lots of variey. Take that vacation, if you wait for the "right" time it may never come.

We were also raised that way, if you did not accomplish mounds of work, you were not carrying your load. I am trying to get over that.

Grey Horse Matters said...

These are the good old days and I think we should take every chance we have to enjoy ourselves and do what we want as much as we can. After all this life isn't a dress rehearsal.

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

I'm so sorry your sister isn't talking to you; with your folks gone and the other sister "out of the picture," it's got to hurt even more. My sister is sure less communicative now that she's a married woman, but she did call today and we had a nice little chat. I will pray the same happens for you.

Perhaps our "laziness guilt" is not just from our hardworking parents. Maybe it goes far deeper in the past, something along the lines of "six days SHALT THOU LABOR, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God. In IT, thou shalt not do any work...." Just thinkin'.

Joy and Phil said...

Just found your blog through your comment on my cousin, Lea's blog, "Lea and her Mustangs." From reading the comments here, it appears there are many of us with problem sisters and lack of time for ourselves. It is somewhat comforting to read that I am not alone. I have bookmarked your blog and will check on you as often as I can!
Good stuff!
PS: My blog is posted weekly, come on over and take a look if you are so inclined. :)

Jenn said...

My daughters just left to spend a month with my mom and sister in California. It's just me, the hubby and the critters for a WHOLE MONTH! As excited as I am, I know I'll be just as busy as I am when they are here, maybe even more so because I don't have any one to pass some of the chores on to.

My sister and I avoid talking politics for the most part. Many things we agree on...but some, we just butt heads. It's easier to avoid the topic (either by those email forwards or over the phone) than to have to get into a disagreement! I value her friendship far too much to be mad over silly things like politics. :P I'm just glad she feels the same way.

C-ingspots said...

Thanks for the kind comments. It's nice to know that there are others who have similar feelings and "sister issues".

I do agree with the Sabbath reminder. However, the guilt must come from somewhere else, because I do honor the Sabbath and do my work on the other days. There is no such thing as "finishing" though. It's a big case of "messy build-up", I'm afraid.

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

Oh dear, I wasn't implying that you don't take advantage of Sabbath rest or don't work on other days! I was just thinking that perhaps part of the curse of sin is that we must "labor" all our lives (living by the sweat of our brow, so the curse goes) until we die, and if we try to escape that reality, it brings, well, guilt. Just my musings. They do give me more reasons to look forward to in heaven, though!

Molly said...

To experience your lovely summer you might try to Be In The Moment. Instead of worrying about what comes next, what is the next chore, try enjoying the current moment/chore/situation. If you only have ten minutes to sit on the porch then try to relax into those 10 minutes. Just sayin', because I'm just like that to worry about dinner before breakfast dishes are done. I think we women are better at sweating the small stuff than most men.
As for the political and religious forwards, I usually just delete them before opening so I won't get upset. I know who to avoid reading.

allhorsestuff said...

Well...I have had something up with my sis since last summer when i moved into that barn that eventually kicked me out. She blames me for so many things and is very unforgiving of me. Like SHE has never not listened or made her own mistakes...cause every one gets to make there own decisions and learn the way THEY do@!#x*#!!~!!!! So..she is using our mom to comunicate.after I have repeatedly asked her not to do that.It upsets mom alot! Nope..she continues and now is making up stuff I have said...but complains I never call or talk to her..how does that work...I say things without talking!

So yea...something is up her butt...and I am trying to get out of her way As fast as I can///I so hate conflicts!
Hang in..speak your mind and block her e-mail. let her know first though...bans are only good if you make your intesions clear.
I know that may be harsh..but I too am getting ready to say some choice things and if I hear back through mom..I am gonna tell her to leave me alone till she can act her 59 year old age!
BLAW...I guess I am tired of it huh!