Wow - I still have a hard time believing that it's actually summertime. It seems like I live my whole life in anticipation of summer and all the wonderful, wistful memories that it conjures up for me. Sometimes I think I spend way too much time in my head. I'm always daydreaming of all the lovely things I want to do, you know, when the sun comes out and the days are long and lazy and carefree. The trouble is they never seem to be long enough, and definitely never carefree.
I would love to spend a summer in a remote little town, maybe somewhere near the ocean, in a quaint little cottage where there are no schedules, no deadlines and no people. Well, some people would be nice, but definitely no crowds. I'd definitely take my dog, and would love to have my horse, but otherwise just me and some good books, good music, chilled wine and endless hours of nothing but time. Time to rest and rejuvinate; body, mind and spirit. Time to explore the possibilities. I cannot remember a day when I've awakened and had nothing but time ahead of me. Time to do whatever comes to mind. To be able to wile a whole day away if that's how I felt. The pure, unadulterated luxury of having time to oneself must be an awesome blessing. And, not to experience the guilt that always accompanies idle time. My mom instilled the very subconscious thought that one must always be doing something. Otherwise, that time was somehow wasted and was of no use. I wholeheartedly disagree. But alas, the seed was planted a long time ago and if I do take time for myself and do nothing if that's what I choose; I always feel guilty. I feel lazy and useless. Sure wish I could get past that, but I don't begin to know how. It's ingrained in the very marrow of my being to accomplish, to hurry and to do. At any cost. I am a human doing, not a human being. And...I am so jealous of people who have what I conceive to be more personal time than what I have. Silly, I know...but true nonetheless.
My hubby and I took our two horses and went riding last weekend. We camped in the Coast Range mountains for 2 nights and rode both days. The horses were very good. No competitiveness and no spooking. They were quiet and relaxed. My horse felt solid and true beneath me. It felt good. I'm not nearly as fearless of a rider as I once was, but I still love time spent on my horse. We even got to watch a fireworks display up there in the mountains. Apparently, a group of people across the river from us were having a celebration. They brought all kinds of amazing fireworks and even had a water tanker on standby - just in case. Even the horses seemed to enjoy the fireworks display. Annie, not so much. She went into the horsetrailer and got up on our bed. You know, where it was a little safer - and quieter. The days were long and very, very hot, but even so, the time seemed to slip by ever so quickly.
My tomatoes are growing really well. In fact, they may be conspiring to take over the world. The berries are all doing equally well. My horses do create good gardening soil. Must give credit where credit is due. I won't get many berries this year, probably not a lot next summer either, but I'm told by year three - I should have bunches of the sweet, juicy lovelies. Yum!! Here's another summertime memory - my mom's homemade boysenberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream. Oh my!! Words just cannot describe how utterly delicious my mom's pies were!! Even her cobblers were really just extra large, deep dish pies. With all that homemade, flakey crust that she whipped up without using a single measuring device...we would have promised the world to get her to make one. They were simply to die for!! I make my piecrust just like my momma did, but they still don't taste nearly as good as hers did. Never will.
I miss those summer evenings where we used to just sit out on the porch sipping a cool drink and talking and laughing. Time spent with family and friends are good times. It just seems like everyone is so busy with their own lives now to get together and just spend time. I guess it's so very true what my grandma used to say..."good or bad, nothing stays the same". That's both a blessing and a curse. I guess it just means that we need to enjoy life no matter what. Things just are the way they are, and the key to being happy and content is just to live in the moment. Squeeze every little drop out of life that we can, make a conscious decision to be happy. I do believe that happiness is a decision. We can and need to make the most out of the life, the circumstances that we find ourselves in at any given moment. For, in the blink of an eye - everything can change.
I haven't talked to my sister for maybe a month now. I've tried to call her numerous times, but she never answers her phone. And, she rarely calls me. She does, however send me countless e-mail messages that are forwards. You know, those endless jokes and religious messages meant to inspire that good feeling deep inside. Not that I have anything against those. I enjoy them sometimes, and then sometimes they make me emotional. But, if she has the time to do that, why can't she ever just take a minute to call me and talk to me? Or, even for that matter, send me a little personal note via e-mail? It doesn't have to be a book. Could be just a one-liner saying hello or asking what's up? She also disagrees with me politically. I couldn't possibly care less what she thinks about politics. But, I don't appreciate getting spam e-mails about how rotten our president is. Or, how much damage he has done, or will do to our economy and our healthcare system and the price of underwear. Hell, if you believe all that they say in those stupid propaganda political things floating around out there in e-mail land - it's O'Bama's fault for the declining moral fiber of society...and he's a Nazi too. Good grief!! I've politely requested time after time after time that she please stop sending me those kinds of messages. I don't like them, and I think they do nothing but stir up hate and feelings of discontent. Basically, you become a part of the problem rather than part of the solution. So...yesterday I receive another onslaught of forwards from dear old sis, and one in particular sent me over the edge. I responded with a big old message of my own pointing out everything in particular that I didn't appreciate about "said" message and asked her for the umpteenth time to please just stop!!! Now, she's mad at me. Oh well, guess she won't be calling me anytime soon. *sigh*
I need a vacation.
Remember what Carly Simon said..."these are the good old days".
Hoping we can all make the most of 'em...