Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Life is like a potpourri

Blog post titles are hard for me.  I've pretty much given up on having just the right, catchy little title. Just requires too much mental effort, and I'm all about easy lately.  So...today's title feels just about right.  *grin*

I had another ride on Eags last night.  Hmmm, what's the right word???  Oh yeah, I've got it!  Crap. Well, not entirely.  It was late.  It was cold.  Yes, cold.  Highs were in the mid 60's today, wind was blowing, showers on and off.  Talk about a potpourri - our weather has been all over the place. Anyway, I groomed, tacked him up, did a little ground work in the round pen and then we headed on out to the big ring.  I thought I had my big girl panties on, and I guess I can feel good that I'm brave enough to mount up without anybody else there, ride outside when it's windy in the big ring and not cry.  Progress right?  Eagle had my number though.  *sigh*  He wasn't exactly cooperative.  Big brat. Anyway, we walked around a little bit, did some backing, flexing and I sort of had him pivoting on the forehand, but boy did I have to work for every.  little. step.  Wish I just had the cahoonas to whack him squarely in the butt with the end of my lead and tell him to MOVE OUT ALREADY!  But I don't.  Not yet anyway.  So, I took satisfaction that I was able to do what I did.  Dear God, sometimes I'm such a big chicken shit.

Our clinic is just two weeks from tomorrow.  And I'll just bet that I'm the only rider there that has problems getting her horse to walk.  I am thankful that this clinic will be a small one.  I am thankful that the riders are all "middle-aged" women who are like-minded.  I am thankful that our clinician is kind.  And very laid-back.  Thankful that I get to go.  Thankful thankful thankful...so why are tears steaming down my face while I'm typing this???  I know we all have our ups and our downs, but what is it about this horse that has me so intimidated?  Oh, how I wish I knew the answer to that!  What the heck is wrong with me?  I am not a beginner rider.  I am not un-knowledgeable, or whatever the correct word is here.  But I am so afraid that if I push my horse, he will do something that I will regret.  And yet - as I've watched others ride him again and again.  Pushing him to do what they want him to do, he does nothing but be accommodating, and give them his best.  His try.  He is soft-eyed and kind.  I just wish I could take a pill.  Or take a shot of some liquid courage that would get me past this crappy, scared feeling deep in my gut.  I've been asking and asking for this horse to trust me. Trust me, I won't hurt you.  Trust me, I will take care of you.  Trust me!!!  And you know what?  He has.  He has given me his complete trust.  I feel it.  I see it.  And yet...I struggle so with my trust of him.   God, I feel pathetic.  And weak.  And so much like a coward.   But I will not quit.  I'm way too stubborn for that.  I just need to get past this, have a few good rides, and I think I can move past this enormous stumbling block in my brain.  I hope.

Enough of that.  Last weekend was again, very busy.  I felt like I accomplished nothing.  We did make it to church Sabbath morning, and for that I am so glad.  Our pastor wasn't there and they played a video of this speaker named Louie Giglio.  "How Great Is Our God" was the title.  It was awesome!  Seriously awesome.  I highly recommend each and every one of you go to Amazon and purchase the CD.  I did.  I got a 4-in-one CD of four different sermons this guy has done.  Haven't had a chance to watch any yet, but seriously, just do it.  You won't be sorry.  Then we went out for breakfast, went home and changed our clothes and drove south a couple of hours and delivered my friend's saddle which I had borrowed to try out.  Saddle exchange didn't work out, her stirrups were so long that I could barely reach them, and the saddle rolled all over my horse's back.  But...I did absolutely love the way the seat felt and the free-swinging stirrups I think would be really nice.  I am sort of looking for another saddle.  I'd love to have a ranch-type saddle with a rough-out seat and wide, free-swinging stirrups.  Oh, and a close contact tree, the Wade style if you know what that is.  Anyway, I digress.  We stopped at a beautiful park alongside the Willamette river on the way home and let the dogs out to frolic and got a little exercise.  Then when in Corvallis, we decided to have dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory.  So good!  I ate too much, but it sure was tasty.  We were way late, almost midnight when we got back home, and the horses thought they were starving!  :)

Sunday morning I had a quick ride on Eagle, then showered and changed and drove to Willamette Park for a family outing for our newest nephew's first birthday party.  It was a beautiful day, and we had a nice time seeing Scotty and Teleea and baby, Emry.  He has the typical Lundgren family cheeks.  Looks like he's storing up for winter.  Totally cute, but the little turd cried whenever I tried to hold him.   *sigh*  By the time we got back home it was time to do the chores and I was pooped.  No energy left for any house cleaning, no laundry, nothing.  I went to bed fairly early, shocked and dismayed that the following day was Monday morning all over again.  I have been so very tired lately.  Not quite sure what's up with that.  Maybe it has to do with all the stuff that's been going on and not enough down time.  Whatever it is, I sure am looking forward to my week of vacation time coming up soon.  I have the whole week off beginning June 27th and will go back to work after the July 4th holiday.  Yay!!!  Hoping to enjoy some time at home that week, doing whatever that strikes my fancy, attend my clinic and get in a few rides on Eagle, and maybe a night or two away from home.  Already starting to sound a little more busy than what I'd originally planned.  It's quite possible, I just might be my own worst enemy.

Such is my life!  I'm not complaining, not too much anyway.  But I just have to say that I am looking forward to the day when I am a retired lady and my time will be my own.  Best to stop wishing my life away!  That's what my dear, sweet momma used to tell me.  The older I become, the more I'm realizing the wisdom that she shared with me.  Sure wish she were here for me to tell her that.  I'd hug her tightly and never let her go...



Just couldn't resist sharing this tidbit from the local news.  Wish I could have been there to see this!!  Ha!!  We really are living in the wild, wild west!!

In case you didn't see it, or missed it when Arlene shared it on her blog - the fellow on the ground with the rope around his ankles was trying to get away with somebody else's bike.  This cowboy saw what was going on, pulled his horse out of the trailer and lassooed the "would-be" thief.  You gotta love it!  Cowboy justice in 2016.  :)

8 comments:

Annette Mickelson said...

I'm glad you are going to the clinic. I know I'm much braver when I have a trainer coaching me. And sometimes that fear is intuition and we need to listen to it... I tried to talk myself into being able to work with Winston -- and it took a professional to tell me that he wasn't the right partner. Eags sounds like a much kinder horse so hopefully the clinic will help give you back the courage you need. Losing confidence sucks.

aurora said...

Ohhh Lorie, it may be taking longer for your dreams with Eagle then you hoped, but you will get there! If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone with your feelings. Just look at where you started, and where you are now. Many, many people do not ride unless it's Monday, the sun is shining, no horses are in the inside arena, the wind isn't blowing, and their trainer is holding their hand - and even then, they may find an excuse to not ride. You aren't one of those people. You are doing all the right things. Working with a trusted trainer, and on your own, going to a clinic, all good things that will build your confidence. Koda, like Eagle, makes a person work for everything. It has made me a much better rider. Do you ride with a soft rowel spur, as an extension of your leg? When used correctly, there are times it makes a difference with a horse that prefers not to move. I barely use mine, but Koda knows when I've got it on. When he has your number, and you've tried gradually increasing ask pressure within your comfort level, change it up to something you know you both can be successful at and ideally is more work. Then go back to your original request, he will be happier to comply. I know you know all this. After our latest set back, I am not comfortable "getting after" Koda right now either. Instead I am working through it differently, and it is really working for us. It truly is ALL about timing. Oh, and one more thing - visualize it - I mean really commit. Think it first. Ride with the forward mindset. They can tell when we try, hesitate and don't really want to. You will get there!!

Check out the Billy Cook #1783 trail/ranch saddles, they have worked well for us on all four horses. I look forward to hearing about your clinic :))

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

I've been told that it takes 2 years!!!! for a person/horse partnership to really solidify. Go to the clinic and get some help on pushing your horse forward. It's a relatively safe environment. See how he reacts while you've got help right there. You will figure it out.

Enjoy your vacation!!

Kate said...

Lack of confidence can take a lot of time and practice to beat - but it can be done, trust me from my own experience.

I wouldn't be surprised if Eagle's lack of forward is him feeling that you really (inside) don't want him to move forward despite your asks. See if asking him to move forward (assuming you're up for that) from inside of you, instead of/in addition to aids, helps. I've also found keeping my focus up and out really helps - when I'm concerned, I tend to look at the horse's head and all that does is drive the energy down.

Sometimes riding by yourself is the hardest, although I know that's often how you have to ride. Just keeping chipping away at it . . . and I expect the clinic will be very good for you and Eagle both. Have fun!

Linda said...

You know, every single time I take Leah to a lesson, I say a prayer for courage. I kid you not. I pray that the trailering will go well and that I'll be safe and that she'll be safe. The nerves are always there no matter how many times I do it. For me, prayer helps a great deal and then I move forward with trust in that I've tried to do everything right. It might also make me more aware of what's going on from start to finish--just acknowledging the deep desire inside myself for all those things. I'm not a religious person, but I do have a private faith, and it helps me. You're not alone.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Everything takes time and patience. And you have plenty of that to get your confidence riding Eagle. I think he's waiting for you to be confident and enjoy yourself. Sometimes the slower we go the more we accomplish by setting solid basic work to build on. Everything will eventually just click and you'll be the rider you want to be. The clinic should be a great experience for you both. Hang in there and enjoy your vacation when it rolls around.

C-ingspots said...

Wow. You guys are all just so awesome...I am humbled and deeply thankful for each and every single one of you. Truly, I consider each of you a friend and I'm so moved by your comments - your truth, your shared experiences, your wisdom, and most of all by your kindness that shines through in your words to me. Thank you all so much. I appreciate you more than you can imagine. :)

fernvalley01 said...

Lorie my friend! you are doing good work with Eagle and it will come, you know your stuff, you just also now know your limitations. there is no time set for you and Eagle to be"there" you will be when you are both ready. I am very sure of one this, is that you will get there.
Believe in yourself as much as you believe in your horse, and I believe in you